First Time For Everything
by Shirl
Summary: COMPLETED-An Alternate Universe fic, written during Season 5. It's the year 2000. Carter is Chief Resident and Lucy is a first-year Intern. Consider this to be what could have been if we'd never heard of Paul Sobriki.
1. First Time For Everything

DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters from ER. They are the  
property of Warner Brothers, Constant C Productions, NBC, etc.  
KEYWORDS: John Carter, Lucy Knight, Drama/Romance  
ARCHIVE: You are welcome to download this story for your own reading,  
but please do not archive it on any website without my permission.  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: I wrote this series more than a year ago, but this  
is the first time it's being posted to Fanfiction.net. When I started  
writing this, it was actually set in the future. Just pretend that  
Paul Sobriki never walked into the ER ;-)  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
John Carter gulped down the rest of his milk and quickly got up from   
the table. "Sorry to eat and run. I didn't realize how late it was."  
He grabbed his boots and sat down again, tying the laces with   
nimble fingers. "Just leave the dishes in the sink and I'll do them  
in the morning."  
  
Kerry Weaver finished chewing a mouthful of baked potato and sour cream  
before replying. "Don't worry about it. Just get going." She waved  
a hand at him. "You get double dish washing duty tomorrow."  
  
He grinned at her as he reached for his coat. "Have I mentioned  
that you make a mean salad?"   
  
"Stop trying to butter me up, Carter. And don't forget your hat.  
It's a cold one, tonight."  
  
"Yes, Mom." He pulled on his gloves and was ready to face the frigid  
night air. "Don't wait up for me."  
  
"Ha ha." She went back to her dinner as Carter hurried out the front   
door.  
  
The blast of cold air shocked his system and he stopped for a moment,  
shivering. Whoa, saying it was cold seemed like the understatement  
of the year. When did Chicago become comparable to the Arctic?  
And this was only November. It could only get worse from here.  
He tugged his knit cap down farther over his ears. He started to  
step forward and then stopped. What was that sound? Sounded like  
a cat. He looked down and found a pair of green eyes staring up   
at him. Now, that had to be the cutest kitten he'd ever seen.   
  
"Well, hello there. Where did you come from, kitty?" He crouched   
down and removed one glove, holding his hand out. The kitten sniffed   
tentatively at his fingers and then a small, pink tongue darted out to   
lick his hand. The kitten was all black, except for four white paws   
and a white-tipped tail. It almost looked as if her feet and tail   
had been dipped in milk. The kitten meweled again piteously, her breath   
appearing in little white puffs.   
  
Carter exhaled slowly, considering his options. He couldn't just  
leave the poor thing out in the cold. The kitten would freeze  
to death overnight. She must be lost, or more likely a stray.   
He wondered how Kerry felt about cats. One way to find out.  
  
He scooped up the kitten and turned back into the house.  
  
Kerry heard the front door slam and she glanced up from the newspaper.   
"What did you forget, Carter?" she called out. She raised her eyebrows  
as he walked towards her holding what appeared to be a kitten.  
"Oh, no. What is this?"   
  
"I found her on the doorstep. She must be lost or something."  
The kitten seemed comfortable in his grasp and he stroked the soft  
fur behind her ears. She purred contentedly, a low and somehow  
soothing sound.  
  
"Well, it can't stay here." Kerry removed her glasses and frowned  
at him. "Absolutely not."  
  
"Come on, Kerry. At least just for the night. She'll die out in   
the cold." He tried to give her his most persuasive look.  
  
She sighed. "It's not that I don't like cats. I'm allergic."  
  
"Oh. You seem fine."  
  
"Only because you're ten feet away from me. Get any closer and   
you'll witness a great sneezing fit, among other things."  
  
"If I had the time, I'd ask one of the neighbours to take her in,  
but I'm already so late..."  
  
Kerry pushed her chair back and stood up. She didn't look pleased  
but her voice was gentle. "All right, you've convinced me.   
You better get going, Carter. I'll take care of it."  
  
"Yeah? You sure?" He always knew she was a softie beneath her  
tough-as-nails exterior. Well, maybe he hadn't *always* known,   
but he'd certainly come to know a different side of her as her  
boarder.  
  
"I'm sure." Her look softened. "She *is* adorable. Let me take her."  
  
As Carter handed the kitten over, her legs splayed out comically.  
It only took a moment for the kitten to relax again in Kerry's arms.  
  
"She likes you." He watched as the kitten batted at a loose thread  
on Kerry's sweater.  
  
"Ouch." Kerry winced as tiny claws dug into her skin. She gingerly  
lifted the offending paw and looked up at Carter. "Go," she ordered.  
  
"Right. Thanks, Kerry." As he got to the door, he heard Kerry sneeze.  
Twice. He smiled to himself and headed out into the night.  
  
***************  
  
"Give me the bullet!" Carter said sharply, as the gurney was wheeled  
towards Trauma 1.  
  
"Twenty-three year old male, GSW to the chest. He's lost 500 cc's   
of blood. Gave him 15 litres of O2 and started two IV's of   
normal saline. BP's 70 over 50, pulse 140 and thready," the paramedic   
named Eric responded in rapid-fire delivery.  
  
They entered the trauma room and prepared to move the young man.  
  
"On my count, 1, 2, 3...," Carter said, as many hands transferred the  
patient to the hospital gurney.  
  
"Happened right outside his apartment," Eric said, shaking his head.  
"Attempted mugging. Name's Michael Travis. His mom's on the way."  
  
With this, the EMTs left the room. They had done their duty and   
now the young man was in the hands of the ER team.   
  
"Can I lead with this one?" Lucy Knight asked. She saw Carter hesitate  
and she said firmly, "I'm ready."  
  
"Ok, Lucy. Go for it," he agreed, stepping to the side so she could  
position herself.  
  
"Let's get a CBC, blood typed and crossmatched for six units, and some  
O neg going," she said quickly. "Keep his IV's wide open." She checked  
for breath sounds. "Weak breath sounds on the right. I need to intubate."  
  
"I'll do it," Carter jumped in.  
  
"I need a chest tube tray, seven and a half..." Lucy began.  
  
Lily interrupted her. "BP's falling, 40 palp. He's going into v-fib!"  
  
Carter immediately started compressions while Lucy grabbed the defibrillator  
paddles. "Charge to 200...clear!" She shocked him and watched the monitor.  
There was no response. "300...clear!" Again, no response. "Charge to   
360...clear!" Nothing. The monitor flatlined.   
  
"He's asystole! No pulse," Haleh said urgently.  
  
Lucy took over the external heart massage while Carter finished intubating.  
"Give him an amp of epy and one milligram of atropine."  
  
They did their best to bring the man back to life, but to no avail.   
Lucy's arms were aching from the continuous compressions. "How long  
has he been down?" she asked. She'd lost track of time.  
  
"It's been 33 minutes," Carter replied. "It's time to call it."  
  
Lucy knew he was right, but she had to convince herself first. She looked  
into his pupils. Fixed and dilated. She checked for a pulse and found  
none. She finally listened for a heartbeat, hoping against hope...  
but all was silent. She looked up at the clock. "Time of death 19:35,"  
she announced wearily.  
  
One by one, they filed out of the room until only Carter and Lucy   
remained. "You did great, Lucy."  
  
"Yeah, great," she echoed softly, staring at the dead body of   
Michael Travis.  
  
"I mean it. You told me you were ready, and you were. You did   
everything right. The poor guy didn't have a chance." Lucy remained  
silent and Carter moved to stand in front of her, partially blocking  
her view of the body. "Hey..." He waited until she looked up at him.  
"I'm proud of you."  
  
The barest ghost of a smile came to her lips. "Thanks."  
  
Jerry pushed open the door, his voice unusually somber. "Mrs. Travis   
is here. She's asking about her son."  
  
"Ok, Jerry. I'll be right there," Carter said, as Jerry left them  
alone once more.  
  
"I'll do it. I'll go talk to her."  
  
"Are you sure? I can come with you," he offered.  
  
Lucy shook her head. "No, I'll do it," she repeated. She removed her  
bloody gloves, gown and goggles and disposed of them. She found  
Mrs. Travis by the admit desk, looking lost and scared. She led  
the mother down the hall and sat down with her.  
  
Carter watched the two of them from a distance. Mrs. Travis leaned  
forward in her chair, covering her face with her hands. She started  
weeping, the sound of her uncontrollable sobs filling the hallway.  
Lucy put an arm around her, and the older woman turned to cry into  
her shoulder.   
  
Mark Greene came to stand by Carter's side. "I hear Lucy did pretty  
well in there," he remarked.  
  
"Yeah, her first time running a trauma. She was calm and collected.  
I was impressed."  
  
"Well, she had a good teacher."  
  
Carter thought back to when Lucy had been his med student. That had  
been two years ago. "I haven't been her teacher for a long time."  
  
"Sure you have. Not in the official sense, but you've helped her  
along. Just like I helped you when you were a first-year resident."  
Mark gave him a good natured smile. "That's what being a teaching  
hospital is all about. And as the chief resident, you need to   
remember that."  
  
"I know. I mean, I do, Mark. Sometimes I think, 'how would Mark  
Greene have handled this when he was ER chief?' and I go from there."   
Carter said this half-jokingly, but it was close to the truth.   
This position was still fairly new to him, and he found that line of  
thinking sometimes helped when he was uncertain about something.  
  
Mark chuckled. "Well, I'm flattered, Carter. But you'll find your  
own way. It just takes a bit of time." With that, he moved on to  
check on his patient.  
  
Carter looked back down the hall to find Lucy coming towards him.  
He noticed how strained she looked.  
  
"She wants to see her son, but I stalled her. Can we get someone   
to cover him up?"  
  
"Of course. I'll take care of it."  
  
"Ok. I'll stay with Mrs. Travis."   
  
Carter watched her walk away. He was definitely proud of her.  
  
***************  
  
Lucy stared blankly into space. The cup of tea she had made for  
herself sat untouched on the table in front of her. Was Carter right?  
Had she really done everything she could? Maybe she should have tried  
giving him more epinephrine. Maybe she should have continued the  
external heart massage for longer.   
  
She inwardly scolded herself. This line of thinking wasn't helping her.  
She was tired. She didn't remember what it felt like not to be tired.  
She used to enjoy the fast pace of working in the ER. That's partly  
why she had chosen the emergency medicine sub-I. It suited her   
personality and she thrived on the challenge. Now she was a full-  
fledged intern, and the first time she ran a trauma, the patient died.   
Deep down, she knew it wasn't her fault. But that didn't make her feel   
any better.  
  
"Excuse me." Carter held the lounge door open as a nurse squeezed  
past him. Before he stepped in, his eyes roamed over the faces of  
the various doctors and nurses milling about. His gaze came to rest  
on the back of a familiar blonde head.  
  
She was leaning forward now, staring into her tea cup. Her short,  
bobbed hair swept across her cheeks, hiding her peripheral vision.  
She suddenly noticed a pair of legs in green scrubs that hadn't  
been there before. She looked up to see Carter sitting across from her.  
  
"How long have you been there?" she asked, obviously startled.  
  
He gave a short laugh. "Don't worry, you're not that out of it.  
I just sat down now."  
  
She finally took a sip of her tea. It was lukewarm. She felt  
his concerned gaze on her face and leaned back into the chair,   
holding the cup in her lap. "I'm fine," she stated.  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"You don't have to tell me it's not my fault. I already know that."  
  
"But you still feel responsible," he guessed, judging by the troubled  
look in her eyes.  
  
"Maybe. A little," she admitted. She uttered an almost inaudible  
sigh. "But I'll get over it."  
  
Carter was about to say more when Jerry strolled in, zeroing in on  
Lucy. "Lucy, Brad's here."  
  
Her eyes flew up to Jerry's face. "Now?"  
  
"Yeah. He's been sitting in chairs for a while. I knew you were  
kind of, uh, busy, so I didn't come get you right away."  
  
"I'll be right out." Lucy took one more swallow of her tea and   
got up, rinsing out her cup.  
  
"I thought you were on until seven tomorrow night," Carter said,  
starting to make himself some coffee.  
  
"I am," she murmured, wondering what Brad was doing here. She   
wasn't even halfway through her 36-hour shift.  
  
"Well, nice of him to visit, then."  
  
"Mmm," she said absently. She brushed her fingers through her  
hair and tucked the strands behind her ears. Forcing a more  
pleasant look on her face, she headed to the waiting area.  
  
She spotted him before he saw her coming. "Hi, Brad," she said  
brightly.  
  
Bradford Prescott turned his head at the sound of her voice and  
rose to meet her. A smile flitted across his handsome features and   
he gave her a brief kiss on the lips. "Finally! You look like hell.  
I see they're still running you ragged around here."  
  
Lucy's smile faded several watts. "I'm pretty busy," she agreed.  
"What are you doing here?"  
  
"What do you mean? We're seeing a movie tonight, or have you  
forgotten?" He sounded annoyed.  
  
"You must have gotten the date mixed up. That's Thursday night."  
  
"What? Are you sure? I've got it written down right here."  
Brad placed his briefcase on the chair and removed his black  
leather appointment book. He flipped a few pages and showed her  
the entry written in red ink: 'Meet Lucy at the hospital, 8 pm'.  
And indeed, it was written under Tuesday, November 7, 2000.  
She was slightly amused that he actually needed to show this to her.  
  
"Well, you should have written that under Thursday. I'm not off  
until seven tomorrow night."  
  
"Oh." He tossed the book back into the briefcase and closed it  
with a snap. "I guess we got our signals crossed."  
  
"I guess. I might be able to get away for a quick bite to eat,  
though. How about that?" she said, feeling bad that he had come  
all this way.  
  
He grimaced. "If you're going to suggest Doc Magoo's, I think I'll  
pass. I can't stomach the grease."  
  
"All right. There's always the hospital cafeteria..." Her voice  
trailed off as he glanced at his watch, shaking his head.  
  
"If you don't mind, I'd rather wait until Thursday."  
  
"Sure." *It's just as well* Lucy thought. She didn't feel  
hungry anyway and she certainly wouldn't be much company tonight.  
  
"I'll give you a call later." He dropped a quick kiss on her cheek   
and went on his way.  
  
Lucy wandered over to the admit desk and found Jerry. "How's the  
board looking? I'd like to get some sleep."  
  
"Go ahead. It's covered."  
  
"What's open?"  
  
"Uh, Exam 4. Where's Brad?"  
  
"He left. He got my schedule mixed up and thought we were going  
out tonight."  
  
"Oh. Uh, how long have you known this guy?"  
  
"About three months," Lucy replied. Brad was the son of a business   
associate of her mom's. The last time her mom had come to Chicago   
had been for a business meeting, and somehow she had set the two  
of them up. They had gotten along well and had been casually  
seeing each other ever since. "Why do you ask?"  
  
"No reason," Jerry said quickly. "Just curious."  
  
"Well, you know where to find me."   
  
"What was *that* about?" Chuny asked, as Lucy walked away. She had  
overheard most of the conversation and was now giving Jerry a  
strange look.  
  
"What? Just asking a question," he said defensively. "There's  
something about the guy..."  
  
"Who, Brad? He seems nice. He's cute!" Chuny perched on a stool  
to use the computer.  
  
"He just rubs me the wrong way," Jerry muttered.  
  
"Awww, you're getting all protective over Lucy. That's so sweet!"  
Chuny gushed.  
  
Jerry rolled his eyes. He was sorry he'd opened his mouth.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	2. Across The Way

PLEASE SEE CHAPTER 1 FOR DISCLAIMER, NOTES, ETC.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Thanks for doing this, Jer." Carter placed the kitten in Jerry's  
waiting arms. Jerry stroked the top of her furry head with two  
fingers. Just one of his hands seemed large enough to engulf her.  
During his shift, Carter had asked if anyone would take in a cute  
kitten temporarily and Jerry had offered his services. It had  
worked out nicely since their shifts ended at the same time. He  
had driven Jerry out here to pick up the kitten, and then would  
drive him home.  
  
"No problem. She'll be a little friend for Maxine." Jerry was   
referring to his own cat. Maxine was big and looked rather  
intimidating, but wouldn't harm a fly.  
  
"It's only temporary," Carter reminded him. "I've already put   
an ad in the lost and found section of the paper. And I'll go  
talk to some neighbours later. But she's probably a stray."  
  
"So if no one claims her, what are you gonna do?"  
  
"Actually, I've been thinking of moving out."  
  
Jerry looked surprised. "Oh yeah? Why now, after all this time?"   
Personally, he couldn't even imagine living with Weaver for as long   
as Carter had. But it seemed the two of them got along well.  
  
"Well, since Kerry is allergic to this cutie," Carter paused to  
scratch the kitten behind the ears. She was falling asleep in Jerry's  
arms. "...it just started me thinking about different possibilities.  
Assuming she doesn't belong to anyone, I'd like to keep her. I haven't  
had a pet since I was a kid."  
  
The idea of getting his own place had sort of snuck up on him. But if   
he was honest, it was something he'd been mulling over for a while, in the  
back of his mind. He'd gotten a little too comfortable in Kerry's   
basement; spoiled, even. He would miss her company. They had gotten  
close over the past couple of years, and she was a good friend. But it  
was time to move on.  
  
"We should probably get going," Carter said. He picked up several sheets  
of newspaper from the floor. Kerry had strewn them over every inch of the   
house. "I'll take these as a precaution. I just cleaned my car's interior."  
  
***************  
  
Lucy stumbled into her apartment, bleary eyed and miserable. Damn these  
inhumanly long shifts. She'd been enduring them for several months now,  
and her body still protested. Over the last 36 hours, she'd managed to  
catch maybe a total of four hours sleep. It was time for dinner but food   
was the last thing on her mind.   
  
The phone rang and she jumped, startled. She had just gotten her boots  
off and now dropped the rest of her things on the couch, reaching for the  
phone.  
  
"Hello?"  
  
"Hey, Lucy. I thought you might be in by now."  
  
It was Brad. "Hi," she said warmly. "Yeah, I just got in the door."  
  
"Long day, huh?"  
  
"Oh yeah. All I want to do is go straight to bed."  
  
"Wish I could be there with you," he said in a low, somewhat teasing tone.  
  
"Mmmm..." she murmured vaguely. She released a huge yawn, but tried to do   
it silently.  
  
"Anyway, I just called to confirm tomorrow."  
  
"Tomorrow?" Her mind was a blank slate.  
  
"Our movie date." A slight edge crept into his voice.  
  
"Oh no," Lucy groaned. She slumped onto the couch. "My shift got  
rescheduled. I'm working the graveyard tomorrow." There were several   
seconds of silence and she gripped the receiver with both hands.  
"Brad?" she said softly.  
  
"We haven't been together for two weeks." His voice was rough and the  
edge was still there.  
  
"I know. And you've been incredibly patient with me." She tried to soothe  
his ruffled feathers. "How about Friday night? I'm off in the afternoon,  
so we'll have plenty of time."  
  
"Let me consult my schedule," he said sarcastically. She heard him emit  
a long breath over the phone. "Sorry, I didn't mean that. I know this  
isn't your fault."  
  
"It's ok. I don't blame you for being upset. I am too."  
  
"So we postpone our plans for one more night. It's no big deal. I'll see  
you Friday, then?" He sounded more like himself again.  
  
"Yes. I'll call you after work, ok?"   
  
"Fine. I'll talk to you then. Get a good night's sleep."  
  
After hanging up, Lucy remained on the couch for several minutes. How   
could she have forgotten their plans so easily? It certainly proved how  
tired she was, but that didn't seem to be an adequate excuse. And what  
about that comment he'd made about wishing he could join her in bed?  
She wasn't a prude; the comment itself hadn't bothered her. But her reaction,  
or lack of it, did.   
  
They had slept together for the first time a couple of weeks ago. While she   
had found the experience pleasant, it had been nowhere near earth-shattering.  
She had initially attributed the cause to her tiredness, but how long was  
she going to hide behind that excuse? And while she didn't expect every  
sexual experience to rock her world, so to speak, she did hope to find some  
measure of excitement in it. This low-keyed pleasantness seemed to define  
their relationship; at least from her point of view. She found him attractive  
and she cared about him. But she wasn't sure if it went any deeper than that.  
  
Well, she wasn't in any way against their physical relationship. A part of  
her had even found it comforting. It had been nice to wake up next to him.  
*Nice* she thought, grimacing. She wasn't exactly bubbling over with  
enthusiasm. She would have to make sure that she was well rested next time.  
Her perpetual exhausted state probably was having an effect on her reactions  
to Brad. It was something to consider, anyway.  
  
Lucy dragged herself up from the couch and went straight to the bedroom.  
Changing quickly out of her clothes, she tossed them onto a chair. She  
pulled on her flannel PJs and slipped into bed with a sigh. Her last  
thought before drifting off to sleep was that she'd forgotten to brush  
her teeth.  
  
***************  
  
Carter pressed the buzzer for the third and final time. It seemed the  
superintendent wasn't at home, and he turned away.  
  
"Yeah?" a male voice spoke, sounding tinny.  
  
Carter returned to the intercom. "I'm here about the one bedroom that was  
advertised in the Tribune."  
  
"Hold on, I'll be right down."  
  
Carter had high hopes for this one. He'd spent yesterday evening scouring  
through the apartment rental ads and made a short list of the ones he  
wanted to check out. He'd gone to two others this morning, but both had  
been disappointing. The one he was going to see now seemed the most  
promising. A reasonable price, good location, and pets were allowed.   
It was still early, but no one had come forward to claim the kitten yet.  
He had this idea of wanting a pet now, so if the kitten was returned  
to someone, he would probably get another cat. Allowing pets was now  
part of the criteria of his apartment search; something that had never  
concerned him before.   
  
A kindly faced man who appeared to be in his fifties crossed through the  
lobby and opened the door. "You're the one that called this morning?"  
  
"Yeah, that was me," Carter affirmed.  
  
"Come on in." The man headed straight for the stairwell. "Hope you  
don't mind taking the stairs. The elevator's being serviced right now.  
Apartment's on the third floor."  
  
"That's fine." Carter took a quick look around the lobby area before  
following the superintendent through the stairwell door. It seemed to  
be clean and well-maintained. That was a good sign.  
  
The man didn't talk much. He led Carter up the stairs and down to the  
end of the hallway in silence. Opening the apartment door, he gestured  
for Carter to enter first. Carter stepped inside, directly into the  
living room area. It was more spacious than the other two apartments  
he'd seen.   
  
"I still have a couple of minor things to do," the superintendent spoke  
as Carter checked out the kitchen. "The lock on the balcony screen door  
is broken, so I'll fix that. And I have to install a new door for  
the bedroom closet. Other than that, it's basically ready."  
  
Carter took a brief tour of the rest of the apartment, liking what he saw.   
It was actually better than he had hoped. He returned to the older man,   
who was waiting patiently by the door. "Utilities are included, right?"  
  
The man nodded. "Heat and electricity."  
  
"And pets are allowed?"  
  
"No problem. Just keep 'em happy and clean."  
  
Carter smiled. "Ok, I'll take it."  
  
"Carter?" An incredulous voice drifted from the hallway.  
  
He blinked. His mind must be playing tricks on him. He would recognize   
that voice anywhere, but this wasn't possible. He slowly turned his head   
to look through the open doorway.   
  
Lucy stood there with her mouth open, gaping at him. She was holding  
a tied, plastic bag and wore flowered, flannel pajamas. On her feet  
were pink, fuzzy slippers.  
  
They locked eyes with each other for several seconds before Carter  
spoke. "You live here?" He almost smacked himself in the forehead.  
What kind of a stupid question was that?  
  
Obviously, Lucy thought it was too stupid to answer, because she  
ignored it. "What are you... You can't take that apartment!" she blurted  
out, her mind whirling. First of all, she felt like a fool standing here   
in her PJs. She almost never ran into anyone when going down the hall to  
throw the garbage down the chute. And today, she runs into the super  
and Carter? What was going on here? When did Carter move out of   
Dr. Weaver's place?   
  
The superintendent looked from one perplexed face to the other. "Why don't  
I leave you two alone..."  
  
"It's not necessary," Carter stated firmly. "I'm taking it. I'll write  
you a cheque for the first and last month's rent."  
  
"No!" Lucy dropped the garbage on the floor and marched up to the two men.  
"Mr. Stein, you can't let him move in here." She gave the superintendent  
a pleading look.  
  
"Why not?" Mr. Stein asked calmly.  
  
"Because...because..." Lucy spluttered. "It's just too weird!"  
  
"You're making too big a deal out of this, Lucy." Carter interjected,   
feeling a little offended that she was getting so upset. "We would just  
be living across the hall from each other. It's not like we'd be  
roommates!"  
  
Mr. Stein started backing towards the door. "I have some things to do  
in the office downstairs. Just lock the door from the inside before you  
leave." He addressed his next words to Carter. "Let me know what you decide."   
  
Before Carter could protest that he had already decided, Mr. Stein escaped.  
  
"You knew I lived here!" Lucy accused, folding her arms across her chest  
and glaring at Carter.  
  
"No! I swear I didn't."  
  
"I must have mentioned it to you," she insisted, though feeling a little  
uncertain now. Maybe she hadn't. They weren't really that close; more like  
working acquaintances than friends.  
  
"I knew you lived in this general area," he admitted. "But believe me,  
I'm as surprised as you are." How could this happen to him again? It had  
been quite a coincidence when he'd ended up at Kerry's house two years ago.  
And now, he'd somehow managed to find the same building Lucy lived in.   
Someone or something was having a big laugh over this. But he wasn't about  
to give up this great apartment because Lucy was being unreasonable.  
  
"So you're saying this is all just a big coincidence." Her words echoed his  
exact thoughts, but she still sounded skeptical.  
  
"That's what I'm saying. I'm sorry if you have a problem with this, but  
you'll have to learn to live with it. Because I'm going downstairs to  
Mr. Stein's office and signing the rental agreement." His tone of voice  
indicated that this was the end of the discussion. He turned to leave   
and paused in the doorway, briefly resting his hand against the doorjamb.  
"By the way, nice slippers," he smirked.  
  
Lucy glanced down at her feet. What? What was wrong with them? By the  
time she looked up again, the doorway was empty.   
  
Oh, that man! He could still irritate the hell out of her. She remembered   
telling him as much back when she'd been his med student. They'd gotten  
along horribly back then; just one misunderstanding after another. Things  
were much better now between them. She knew it was partly due to some  
maturity on her part, but also because they kept their relationship on a  
strictly professional level.   
  
There had been a time when she'd been attracted to him. She had even  
initiated a kiss between them, which had led to some serious making out  
on the floor of Exam 6. She had been rather naive back then, and had hoped  
to start a relationship with him. Luckily, Carter had been the voice of  
wisdom, spouting hospital policy and the fact that they were not compatible  
together. At the time, a part of her had been hurt by that, but she had  
covered it up by declaring she was not attracted to him in the least.  
From that point on, she concentrated on her work and her studies. Her little  
crush on him faded, and by the time she started her ER sub-I, she wondered  
why she had made such a big fuss over him. He was just Carter.  
  
So Carter was right. This wasn't a big deal. He would just be another one  
of her neighbours. As it was, she rarely saw any of them; just in passing  
each other in the hallway. His living here wouldn't change anything.  
But, she mused, she might think twice before wearing her pajamas and pink  
slippers when taking out the trash.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	3. All In A Day's Work

PLEASE SEE CHAPTER 1 FOR DISCLAIMER, NOTES, ETC.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Carter adjusted his boot laces and stood, closing the locker door.  
He had a big day ahead of him, but most of the arrangements had been  
made. After leaving Mr. Stein's office yesterday, he'd made the rounds  
of some stores to find packing boxes. Kerry had some stashed away as  
well, and he had made use of those too. He still had a little more   
packing to do, but the majority of it was done. He had asked one of the   
neighbours to help him move his furniture out of the basement and into  
the new apartment. They would do that this afternoon, after he picked   
up the U-haul truck. Luckily, he didn't have anything the two of them   
couldn't handle; his bed, dresser, bookshelf, and desk. That was the   
only furniture he had. He would have to look for a kitchen table,   
chairs, and a couch later on. He would need plenty of other things too,  
but he'd think about that later.  
  
Everything had worked out much more quickly and smoothly than he'd   
anticipated. He had assumed it would take at least a week to find a   
suitable apartment, and with his shifts at the hospital, he thought he   
might have trouble finding the time to pack. But he'd managed to get a   
lot done before going into work yesterday, and he had plenty of time   
today. His next shift didn't start until early tomorrow morning.  
If all went well, he'd be sleeping in his new apartment tonight.  
  
He'd related this news to Lucy earlier, and she'd expressed surprise that   
he would be able to move in so soon. She had even apologized for her   
behaviour yesterday. They hadn't bickered like that in a long time.   
Their working relationship was now so smooth, one would never believe the   
clashes they'd had in the beginning. He would never admit it to Lucy,   
but a part of him had enjoyed their arguing match yesterday. She looked   
so cute when she was angry. Her cheeks got all flushed and...   
  
Whoa, where had that thought come from? Carter gave his head a little  
shake. He was straying into dangerous waters. He couldn't start thinking  
that way about Lucy again. They had separate lives now. She had a   
boyfriend. And he even liked Brad. They'd talked a few times when Brad  
had been waiting for Lucy to finish up her shift. He was a couple years  
older than Brad, but it turned out they'd gone to the same college.   
They'd chatted about the football team, and other college memories.  
  
Carter suddenly realized that he'd been lost in thought for far too long.  
He had a lot of things to do, and it was time to get out of here. As he   
stepped out into the hallway, he was almost run over by a gurney.  
  
"Watch out!" one of the paramedics snapped, as the team rushed forward  
down the hall.  
  
Carter noticed that Lucy was running along with them, her head bent down  
in concentration, and focusing on the patient. He kept sight of her until   
they disappeared into the trauma room, and then finally headed for the exit.  
  
***************  
  
Lucy wandered down the surgical ward, her face grim. It seemed to be  
taking too long. She wanted to find somebody and ask how things were   
going. Or better yet, she could take a peek into the OR from the   
observation room.  
  
Peter Benton removed his surgical cap as he entered the hallway. He  
immediately spotted Lucy, who came rushing up to him.  
  
She took one look at his face and knew the outcome of the surgery.  
"She didn't make it," she said flatly.  
  
He shook his head. "No. She started hemorrhaging and flatlined.   
By the time we located the bleeder, she'd lost too much blood. We   
couldn't recusitate her." He stated this rather matter-of-factly,   
though his dark eyes looked sad.   
  
"But...she was fine before the surgery! I mean, she was talking and  
she seemed stable..." She let her voice trail off. Those things were  
meaningless, and she knew it. Anything could happen during surgery.  
  
"Her body just gave up the fight," Peter said, almost gently. He paused   
for a moment. "Have the parents been found yet?"  
  
"Yeah, they're in the waiting room."  
  
"I'll go talk to them."  
  
He left her alone, and she remained where she was, staring down at the  
floor. "I promised her she'd be ok," Lucy whispered. This little girl  
had gotten to her. She thought she was getting better at maintaining a  
professional distance from the patients. But not this time...  
  
  
  
"Six year old girl, hit by a car. Apparently she darted out in front  
of traffic. Head injury, and trauma to the chest. Possible broken   
tib-fib. Unconscious at the scene. She woke up once on route but   
lost consciousness again. Gave her 15 litres of O2 and started  
two large bore IVs of saline. BP's 80 over 50, pulse is 54."  
  
Lucy ran along with the gurney and noticed the girl's eyelids fluttering.  
"I think she's waking up!" she called out.  
  
They had reached the trauma room now, and the girl was transferred to the   
bed.  
  
"We didn't get a name," the EMT named Laura said. "She was confused  
and disoriented when she woke up before, although she did tell us her   
age."  
  
The girl's eyes were open now, and she was staring straight at Lucy.  
Lucy smiled down at her, taking her hand. "Hi, sweetie. Do you know   
your name?"  
  
"My head hurts," the girl moaned. "My leg."  
  
"I know it does. But we're going to help you. Don't worry. My name's  
Dr. Knight, or you can call me Lucy."  
  
"I like Lucy," she said in a small voice.  
  
Mark was rattling off his instructions to the nurses, but he was keeping  
an eye on the interaction between Lucy and the girl at the same time.  
Usually, he would have insisted that Lucy work on the patient, and let  
one of the nurses talk to her. But she seemed to have a good rapport  
with the child and was keeping her calm, so he allowed it.  
  
"Now, you know my name," she continued. "What's your name?"  
  
The girl didn't answer right away, and Lucy thought the head trauma   
must have caused some memory loss. How would they ever find her parents?  
  
"Sarah... Browning."  
  
Lucy smiled. "Hi Sarah. That's such a pretty name." She thought she  
might be pushing her luck, but decided to try anyway. "Do you know your  
phone number, Sarah?"  
  
Sarah started crying softly. "It hurts!"  
  
"I know, I know, sweetie," Lucy said soothingly. She looked up as   
Dr. Benton burst in.  
  
"What've we got?" he said shortly.  
  
Mark looked at him with a puzzled expression. "What are you doing here?  
I thought I had Foley paged."  
  
Mitch Foley was the surgical resident assigned to the ER, and Peter was  
the ER attending surgeon.   
  
"He's caught up in surgery, so I'm taking this one. Give me the bullet."  
  
Lucy kept one ear on what the doctors were saying, while she continued  
to talk to Sarah. "You're going to have an operation soon," she told  
the girl. "That'll help make you feel better."  
  
"Will you come with me, Lucy?" The girl raised her huge blue eyes to  
Lucy's face.  
  
"Um, I'll definitely come upstairs with you," she replied.  
  
"Ok, she's stabilized. Let's move her up to the OR," Peter said, as  
they started pushing the bed forward. "Quickly, people!"  
  
"Dr. Greene, can I go upstairs with her?" Lucy asked.  
  
"Yeah, go on."  
  
"Lucy!" Sarah cried out, and Lucy caught up to her side, reaching for  
her hand again.  
  
They entered the elevator and Lucy looked at Dr. Benton hopefully.  
"Can I scrub in?"  
  
He seemed to consider it for a brief moment, but then shook his head.  
"No. But you can stay with her in pre-op until we're ready."   
  
It was a compromise, but one she was willing to take.   
  
While the surgeons scrubbed in, Lucy talked to Sarah. She found out  
that Sarah had a dog, liked plain jelly sandwiches, and was afraid  
of the dark. She had asked several times for her parents, and Lucy  
assured her they were coming. She hoped that wasn't a lie.  
  
"Am I going to die?"  
  
Lucy's heart lurched in her chest. "No, Sarah. You're not going to   
die."  
  
Sarah regarded her solemnly. "You promise?"  
  
"I promise," Lucy murmured. She smiled and stroked her hair.  
The anesthesia finally started to take effect, and Sarah drifted  
off to sleep.   
  
Lucy watched from the observation room as Sarah was wheeled into the  
OR. After a minute, she walked away and returned to the ER.  
  
  
  
While they had thought it would be difficult to locate Sarah's parents,  
it turned out they didn't have to search after all. The parents found   
them. Sarah had been a little late in walking to school, and her  
family was new to the area. None of the neighbours near the scene of  
the accident had known who the little girl was. The school had called  
Sarah's parents when she didn't arrive in the morning, and they'd  
frantically called the police. The police had then suggested calling   
area hospitals.  
  
The parents had arrived in the ER and initially, were upset to learn   
their daughter was being operated on without their consent. But Mark   
had explained Sarah's critical condition, and that she would have had  
no chance without immediate surgery.  
  
Lucy had taken them up to the waiting area on the surgical floor and   
sat with them for a while. For more than three hours, she'd run back  
and forth between her duties in the ER, and checking in with Sarah's  
parents. They had started growing concerned that no one was speaking  
to them about how the surgery was going, so Lucy had volunteered to  
try to find out. That's when she'd met Dr. Benton.  
  
Now she found herself standing in the middle of the hallway, holding  
back tears. She shouldn't have made that promise.   
  
Mr. and Mrs. Browning slowly walked down the hall, their arms around  
each other. They both seemed unnaturally calm.  
  
"Dr. Knight," Mr. Browning called out softly, as they approached her.  
  
Lucy brushed quickly at her eyes and tried to compose herself. She  
turned to look at them and was impressed by their quiet strength.  
"I'm so, so sorry," was all she could think of to say.  
  
"Thank you. Thank you for all you've done."  
  
Mrs. Browning reached out to touch Lucy's arm, giving her a trembling  
smile. "I'm glad you were here for Sarah, when we couldn't be.   
I'm glad..." Her voice broke off for a moment, but she managed to  
go on. "I'm glad she wasn't alone."  
  
Lucy watched them continue down the hallway, each one supporting  
the other, their steps slow and shuffling. Considering how awful  
she felt, she couldn't even imagine the pain they must be suffering  
right now.   
  
Lucy checked her watch. She had less than an hour to go now, thank  
goodness. This had been a really bad shift. Most days, she could go  
home and relax; forget about work. She had a feeling this wasn't   
going to be one of those days. She still hadn't shaken off her   
lingering feelings of guilt over Michael Travis' death, either.   
  
The past few days at work had seemed tougher than usual. She really   
needed to stop getting so emotionally involved with her patients.   
She knew this intellectually, but sometimes her heart didn't listen   
to her head.  
  
And tonight she had a date with Brad. A part of her honestly didn't   
feel like going out at all. She felt like crawling into bed and   
pulling the sheets over her head. But, the other part of her reasoned,  
maybe it would do her some good to go out and have a bit of fun.   
She certainly could use it.  
  
So that was the plan. She was determined to have a good time tonight.  
  
***************  
  
"This is the last one!" Carter hefted the heavy box onto the back  
of the truck. "Whew!" He leaned against the truck for a moment,  
grinning at Sam Wendall. "And now we get to do it all again at  
the apartment, but in reverse."  
  
Sam chuckled good naturedly. "You're just lucky I'm in between jobs  
right now. Otherwise, who'd be availble in the middle of the day?"  
  
"Yeah. Listen, let me give you some money for doing this..."  
  
But Sam was already shaking his head. "Nah, I told you I wouldn't  
feel right about that. You've been good to me. Like looking in on  
my sister when she was sick."  
  
"At least let me buy you dinner, then."  
  
Sam perked up at the mention of food. "Ok, you're on! Hey, I need to  
make a quick phone call before we go. Do you mind?"  
  
Carter waved him on. "Yeah, that's fine. I need to say goodbye to  
Kerry anyway."  
  
Carter locked the back door of the truck and went back up the stairs.  
He found Kerry sitting at the kitchen table, her hands folded around  
a coffee mug. She regarded him warmly.  
  
"So, you're all set?" she asked.  
  
"Yup. Thanks again for the TV and the dishes."  
  
Carter had been using an old TV of hers after his own broke, and she  
now insisted that he take it with him. She also gave him a set  
of dishes she never used anymore.  
  
"You're welcome. I've got something else for you." She reached for  
her crutch, and stepped over to the counter. "Sorry I didn't have time  
to wrap it." She handed the box to him.  
  
"A coffeemaker!" he exclaimed, very pleased.  
  
She grinned. "Yeah, I figured there were some things you could live  
without until you get settled, but coffee isn't one of them."  
  
He returned her smile, placing the box on the table. "Thanks, Kerry."  
He gave her a hug and she patted him on the back, a little awkwardly.  
She was really going to miss him. And damnit, she was getting a lump  
in her throat.  
  
She coughed and pulled away. "So, is Lucy still upset about you   
moving in there?"  
  
"No, she doesn't seem to be. She even apologized to me this morning  
for acting so, uh, unreasonable about it."  
  
"That's good. Tell her I said living near you isn't as bad as one  
would expect."  
  
He laughed. "Sure, I'll let her know you said that." He picked up  
the coffeemaker and placed it under one arm. "I better get going.  
Sam's probably waiting for me." He gave Kerry a kiss on the cheek.  
"Bye, Kerry. Thanks for everything."  
  
"Bye, Carter."   
  
She heard the front door close and hurried over to the window.   
Drawing the curtain back, she watched Sam and Carter climb into the  
moving truck and pull away from the curb. She let the curtain fall  
back into place and turned away. The house already seemed too quiet.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	4. A Hard Day's Night

PLEASE SEE CHAPTER 1 FOR DISCLAIMER, NOTES, ETC.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Oh, come on! Just take a look at it." Brad placed the dessert menu  
in front of Lucy, as she continued to protest.  
  
"Really, I'm too full." She patted her stomach and looked at the  
remains on her plate. Well, actually, all that remained on her plate  
was her fork and knife. Every last bit of the delicious manicotti  
had been eaten up, along with a small loaf of bread. And before that,  
a house salad, not to mention several glasses of water. She was  
definitely stuffed. She hadn't eaten this well in quite a while.  
  
She eyed the dessert menu longingly and Brad laughed. "I know you're  
tempted," he teased.  
  
"Well..." She opened the menu and looked over the selections.  
"Would you share a piece of tiramisu with me?"  
  
"Share?"  
  
"You know, one piece of cake with two forks."  
  
"Lucy, you're too cute. Two forks it is."  
  
Brad signaled the waiter over and relayed the order. "And I'll have  
a glass of wine." He gestured towards the empty wine bottle, which  
the waiter quickly removed from the table. "The same kind."  
  
"Of course, sir. More wine for you as well, miss?" the waiter asked.  
  
"No, thank you." She had only drank about half a glass, herself.  
She was tired and more wine would make her sleepy. She didn't want  
to be judgmental, but she didn't think Brad needed another glass.  
Minus the small amount she'd had, he had drank a whole bottle by  
himself.  
  
"What's wrong?" Brad asked suddenly.  
  
"What?"  
  
"You're frowning at me." He paused, tracing a pattern on the tablecloth  
with one finger. "You disapprove of my drinking," he guessed, watching  
her face carefully.  
  
She didn't answer right away. "I don't think you needed to order that  
last glass," she said finally.  
  
"Well, I need something to wash down dessert with. Relax, Lucy.  
It's just wine. I'm not downing shots of tequila here." She remained  
silent, and he tried to change the subject. "So tell me more about  
your day. You've been awfully quiet tonight."  
  
"Sorry. I'm just really tired."  
  
"So you've said. I've had a long day too, but you don't hear me  
complaining," he said, a little testily.  
  
Lucy narrowed her eyes at him. She felt that comment had been uncalled-  
for. "I'll try to refrain from my constant complaining," she said,   
her tone rather icy.   
  
They didn't speak to one another until dessert arrived. Even then,  
their conversation was strained. Lucy forced herself to eat a few bites,  
but she soon gave up. Her appetite was gone.  
  
"I don't want to fight," Brad said quietly.  
  
"Me neither."  
  
This evening had not gone the way she'd planned. She had intended to  
enjoy herself, but things had started out badly. She had been looking  
forward to a nap when she got home from the hospital. But the heating  
in the apartment building had died. She'd tried burrowing under blankets  
and comforters, but hadn't been able to get any sleep.   
  
Giving up on that idea, she thought she would do a little grocery shopping.  
She had plenty of time before Brad was due to pick her up. There was  
a small store nearby that she usually went to, but their selection wasn't  
that great. A couple of times a month she took the El to a larger  
grocery store. She'd decided to make that trip today, but for some   
reason, the El was delayed on her way back. After standing around for  
twenty minutes, she'd given up on the train and walked home. Forty-five  
minutes of walking with an armload of groceries had put a damper on her  
mood. At least the cold snap they'd been experiencing recently had died  
down. That was something to be grateful for.  
  
So, upon returning to the apartment, she'd realized she had only forty  
minutes to get ready. The long walk home had made her hot and sweaty,  
and she had to jump in the shower and wash her hair. She was thankful  
that she'd gotten her hair cut into a chin-length bob recently. She only  
needed five minutes with the hairdryer.   
  
Of course, Brad had arrived early. And to his credit, he had refrained   
from comment as she'd rushed around the apartment like a mad woman.   
He'd checked the paper for movie times and announced that Scream 4 was  
the only movie they could see now; unless they wanted to wait around for  
another hour and a half for a different movie.  
  
Lucy had thought this sounded a little suspicious, since he'd mentioned   
more than once that he really wanted to see this horror flick. She wasn't   
too keen on the choice. Frankly, she saw enough blood and gore in the ER,  
thank you. She didn't need to see it on the big screen. But she'd gone   
along with it anyway. She'd probably left bruises on Brad's arm from   
squeezing it in terror so often.   
  
Dinner had been the saving grace of the evening. She loved Italian food,  
and the pasta had tasted divine. She had finally started to truly relax  
and enjoy herself. But now things seemed to have gone sour, and she   
thought it might be her fault. Maybe she *had* been complaining too much   
lately.  
  
"If you're finished, shall we go?" Brad interrupted her thoughts.  
  
She agreed and Brad asked the waiter for the bill. After retrieving their  
coats, they made their way down to the underground parking garage.   
They engaged in some small talk, but there was a strained awkwardness  
between them.   
  
"I think I should drive," Lucy said, as they reached his car.  
  
"It's not necessary," he said, rather stiffly, as if offended by the  
suggestion.  
  
"But you drank a whole bottle." This was much more than he usually drank  
when they went out together. In fact, this was the first time she had  
ever thought he shouldn't drive.  
  
"I'm not drunk, Lucy." He pulled out the key ring from his coat pocket,  
disengaging the car alarm and unlocking the doors. "Get in."  
  
"I really think I should drive," she insisted, wondering if he was going  
to make a big issue out of this.  
  
"Fine!" he snapped, tossing her the keys. Without another word, he  
got into the passenger seat.  
  
The drive home was a silent one, and Lucy kept glancing over at Brad's  
sullen profile. This was a side of him she'd never seen before.   
What had put him in such a mood? Was it because he'd drank more than   
usual, or was there some other reason?  
  
She turned onto her street and found a parking spot right across from  
the apartment. Shutting off the engine, she turned to look at him.  
  
"I'll walk up with you," Brad said, not meeting her eyes.  
  
When they reached her apartment door, she didn't immediately get her  
keys out. "Are you upset with me?" she asked softly. It wasn't that  
late, but voices tended to carry within the hallways. They shouldn't   
really be speaking out here, but she wasn't sure whether or not to   
invite him in.  
  
"No. But maybe we should talk," he murmured, finally gazing down at her.  
  
Lucy hesitated, and then got her keys out. The turning of the dead  
bolt sounded so loud in the silence, she was sure everyone on the floor  
could hear it.  
  
She placed the keys on a small stand near the door and flicked on the  
lights, as Brad shut the door behind them. "Hey, at least the heat's  
back on," she commented. She hung her coat in the closet, while he   
tossed his on a nearby chair. "Do you want some coffee, or anything?"   
  
"No, I'm fine." He sprawled out on the couch and motioned for her to  
join him. She sat down beside him and he placed an arm around her,   
pulling her in tighter.  
  
"You wanted to talk," she said, tilting her head to the side as Brad  
started nuzzling her neck. Then he moved on to her earlobes.   
Normally, she would have started melting by now, but tonight she  
wasn't in the right frame of mind. She turned her head away and placed   
her hand on his face, forcing him to look at her. "We should talk,"   
she stated more firmly, searching his eyes. They looked dark and   
unreadable.  
  
"Forget talk," he said hoarsely. He started to kiss her passionately,  
pushing her lower on the couch. His touch was rougher than usual, and  
she wasn't enjoying it. She struggled underneath his weight and  
managed to tear her mouth away from his.  
  
"Stop it!" she gasped, her voice tinged with anger. He ignored her,   
covering her lips with his own again, and starting to pull at her shirt.  
He finally released her mouth to kiss her neck, and she protested again.  
"I mean it, Brad! I don't want to do this." He continued on as if he   
hadn't heard. Incensed that he wouldn't stop, she freed one hand and   
raked her fingernails across his cheek.  
  
He yelped, flinching his head back. "Jesus, Lucy!" he cried.  
  
"Get off me." When he didn't move, simply staring down at her in shock,   
she yelled, "I said get off, Brad!"  
  
He slowly lifted his weight from hers, and she scurried away from him,  
standing behind the other end of the couch. They were both breathing  
heavily, but for different reasons.  
  
"What's wrong with you?" he barked, touching his face with tentative  
fingers.   
  
"Me!" Her voice was incredulous. "What's wrong with you? You say  
you want to talk, then you practically attack me!"   
  
"You're exaggerating," he muttered, patting the cushion beside him.  
"Let's talk about this."  
  
"Oh, *now* you want to talk?" Lucy drew in a shaky breath, trying  
to settle the pounding of her heart. She didn't think Brad would  
actually hurt her, but she had felt a momentary flash of fear when  
pinned beneath him; helpless and trapped. She'd had a horrible day   
at work and this was turning out to be an even worse night. She just  
wanted this day to be over. "I think you'd better leave."  
  
"What! Come on, I haven't been with you for two weeks!"  
  
"Is that all you can think about?" She really could not deal with  
this any longer. She opened the door. "I want you to go."  
  
"Lucy, don't do this," he pleaded.  
  
"Get out, Brad!"  
  
"Luce, are you ok?"   
  
Lucy jerked her head around to see Carter standing in front of her  
doorway, looking concerned.   
  
"Carter!" she exclaimed, confused at first, but then remembering that  
he had moved in today. "Uh, Brad was just leaving."   
  
Brad rose from the couch, staring at Carter with open hostility.  
"What the hell is he doing here?"  
  
"I live here," Carter stated coldly, starting to make conclusions  
about what had gone on here. He had been sitting in his apartment  
poring over a medical journal, when he'd heard voices coming from  
across the hall. He'd opened his door a crack and could clearly  
recognize Lucy's voice, sounding very upset. He had been about  
to knock on her door when she'd thrown it open, telling Brad to  
get out.  
  
Lucy was trying to act tough, but he had seen the apprehensive look  
in her eyes. He'd also seen a spot of blood on the outer corner of  
her lip. The thought that Brad had hit her made him wild with anger.  
It took all of his self-control not to run at Brad and punch his   
lights out; see how he liked being hit.  
  
"Funny, you forgot to mention that to me. How convenient."   
Brad turned accusing eyes to Lucy. "So that's why you're kicking me  
out tonight? So you can get it on with *him*?" he sneered.  
  
Lucy felt her cheeks starting to burn. "I won't even dignify that  
with an answer." She grabbed Brad's coat and threw it at him.  
"Just get out!"  
  
Brad suddenly switched back to a pleading tone, coming to stand by  
Lucy. "I didn't mean that. I'm sorry." He reached out to touch   
her face, but she turned her head away. She then found herself   
staring at Carter's back as he stepped in front of her.  
  
Carter's voice was low and threatening, as he faced Brad. "Lay a   
hand on her again and you'll regret it, you son of a bitch."  
  
"This is none of your business," Brad hissed, bristling at Carter's   
words and behaviour. The guy was right in his face.  
  
"Is everything all right in here?" a hesitant voice asked from the  
open doorway.   
  
The two men turned to see a middle-aged woman standing there, poking   
her head in. "I heard shouting," she continued, gazing at them  
with wide eyes. She stepped inside the apartment. "What have you   
done with Lucy?"  
  
"I'm right here, Mrs. Norton." Lucy came out from behind Carter  
and barely managed to give the woman a small, reassuring smile.  
  
"Do you want me to call the police?"   
  
"No, it's all right." Lucy looked at Brad pointedly. "He was just  
leaving."  
  
Brad shrugged on his coat, glaring at both Carter and Lucy. He left  
without uttering another word.  
  
"What about him?" Mrs. Norton nodded her head towards Carter.  
  
"Actually, he just moved across the hall from me. Mrs. Norton, this   
is John Carter."  
  
Carter shook her hand, forcing a smile to his face. "Pleased to meet   
you."   
  
Mrs. Norton was apparently won over by his charm. "Well, I suggest you  
get rid of the other fellow and hang onto this one."  
  
Lucy blushed. "It's getting late, Mrs. Norton. I appreciate your  
concern." She started to nudge the woman towards the door.  
  
"All right, I get the message. I'll leave you two alone." Mrs. Norton  
chuckled.  
  
"Goodnight!" Lucy called out, before shutting the door. She leaned her  
forehead against the door with a groan.   
  
Carter regarded her for a moment and then took her hand. "Come on, you  
should sit down." He led her to the couch.  
  
He disappeared somewhere and she slouched forward, holding her head in  
both hands.   
  
Carter returned momentarily with a washcloth and bottle of rubbing  
alcohol he'd found in the bathroom. He knelt down in front of Lucy.  
"Let me see your face."  
  
She glanced at what he was holding with a puzzled frown. "Why?"  
  
"Your lip's bleeding." After dipping a corner of the washcloth into the  
alcohol, he dabbed at her mouth. She winced, flinching back slightly.  
"I could kill that bastard for hurting you," he said quietly, silently  
berating himself for once liking the guy. He'd certainly been fooled.  
  
Her lip was stinging now. Funny, she had never felt it before. She must  
have cut it on the edge of her teeth when Brad was kissing her.   
"He didn't do it on purpose."  
  
"How can you defend the guy, Lucy?" He got to his feet, clearly agitated.  
"He's a slimeball! He hit you!"  
  
So that's what Carter thought? That would explain why he was acting so  
overprotective. "He didn't hit me. It must have happened when he was   
kissing me."  
  
Carter stared down at her. He didn't know which was worse. "So he was  
kissing you so hard, he made you cut your lip." He shook his head in  
disbelief. "Tell me you're not going to keep seeing this guy."  
  
"He was drunk. He wasn't acting like himself."  
  
He felt like shaking some sense into her. "Do you hear yourself?   
Stop making excuses for him." He sat beside her on the couch. Taking her  
chin in his hand, he waited until she looked up at him. "You deserve  
better, Luce."   
  
She stared at him for several seconds before exploding off the couch.  
"I don't know! I don't know what to think. God, I hate my life!"   
  
She started to pace around the room, her words tumbling out faster  
and faster. "It used to be exciting. I used to love it in the ER.  
Felt like I was really helping people, you know? But now I dread  
going into work. I wonder sometimes if I'm making a difference at all.  
I know, treat 'em and street 'em, right? And then I get too involved with   
my patients. Not all of them, but some of them. And it's my own damn  
fault. I know I shouldn't let it happen."  
  
She paused for breath. She kept moving, but at a slower pace. "There was  
this girl that came in today. Sarah. I lied to her. Told her she wasn't  
going to die. I even made a promise." She uttered a short, humourless  
laugh. "I even prayed to God. And I *never* do that. Never quite   
believed in Him. I guess He knew it."  
  
"Why don't you sit down." Carter was growing a little worried about her.  
He'd never seen her so distressed before. He made a lame attempt at   
a joke. "Watching you is making me dizzy."  
  
She continued on as if he hadn't spoken. "Do you remember Corinna?"  
  
It wasn't a common name, so he could guess who she was referring to.   
"Sure I do."   
  
Granted, he hadn't thought about her in a long time; not for the last  
two years. It was a long story, but Corinna was a seven year old girl  
who'd been brought into the ER after a car accident. She had required   
surgery but had an extremely rare blood type. The father had the best  
match for blood, but he'd disappeared. Carter and Lucy had gone searching  
for him. They'd eventually found him, but by that time, Corinna had been  
in bad shape. She'd had multi-organ system failure and was in a coma.  
Corinna had remained in County for a week, and then her mother had  
taken her back to Cleveland.  
  
"Do you ever wonder what happened to her?" Lucy asked. She had stopped  
her pacing and now stood very still in the middle of the room.  
  
"I did for a while," Carter admitted.  
  
"I did too. And I just thought about her again today. Sarah looked a  
little like her. I guess that's why. Remember how naive I was back  
then? When we finally found Corinna's father, I'd thought 'We did it!  
We saved her.' But like you said, we were just giving her a chance at  
life. We'll never know if she came out of that coma. Sometimes,   
I don't think I've learned anything at all. Like today, with Sarah.  
It's almost like I wasn't expecting her to die. I couldn't believe it  
when Dr. Benton told me she was dead. Why is that?"  
  
She closed her eyes and rubbed at her temple. "I'm just so tired.  
I don't even know what I'm doing anymore."  
  
Her eyes flew open when she felt Carter's arms around her. She stiffened  
for a moment, then relaxed in his arms, enjoying the comfort and  
warmth of his body. She rested her cheek against the crook of his   
shoulder and closed her eyes again.  
  
"I know you're tired. That's why you're feeling so confused." He dropped  
a kiss on the top of her head. "It's ok, Luce. It's gonna get better.  
The first year of residency is always the toughest. But you're doing  
great. You just gotta hang in there." He stroked her back. "And it's  
ok to care about the patients. It's what makes you such a good doctor.  
But you've gotta learn where to draw the line. Otherwise, you won't be  
able to do your job, and it'll just tear you up inside."  
  
"I know." Her voice was muffled against his shirt.  
  
He pulled away from her rather abruptly, and she almost felt abandoned.  
She wrapped her arms around herself. "You have to promise me something,"   
he said, gazing down at her.  
  
"What?"  
  
"That you'll seriously consider breaking things off with Brad. I don't  
trust the guy. And neither should you."  
  
She nodded reluctantly. "Yeah, I know. Actually, even before tonight,  
I was starting to think things weren't working out between us. But he  
was acting strangely tonight. Maybe something was bothering him."  
  
Carter didn't comment on that. He could see that Lucy was exhausted.  
"I should get going. It's getting late."  
  
"Ok. Thank you, Carter. For...for everything," she said sincerely.  
  
"Anytime." He bent his head to kiss her on the cheek, and suddenly   
found himself longing to kiss her mouth. *Oh, man!* This was not good.  
He had to get out of here.   
  
He gave her a quick peck on the cheek and let himself out without a  
backward glance.  
  
Lucy locked the door and turned out the lights. She brushed her teeth  
mechanically and quickly changed into her pajamas. She collapsed into  
bed and finally allowed the stress and exhaustion of the day to overcome  
her. Bursting into tears, she cried herself to sleep.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	5. The Calm Before The Storm

PLEASE SEE CHAPTER 1 FOR DISCLAIMER, NOTES, ETC.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Jerry went in search of Kerry after talking to one of the EMTs over the  
radio. Usually, there was an urgency to his steps when he had to announce  
an incoming MVA. Tonight, however, there was no rush.  
  
He didn't have to go looking very far. Kerry approached the admit area  
with a patient chart in hand. "Jerry, any word on the labs yet for  
Mr. Pickford?"  
  
"No, not yet. I just got a call over the radio. There's a DOA coming  
in soon."  
  
"What happened?"   
  
He shrugged. "Car accident. That's all I know."  
  
"Just the single victim?"  
  
"Yeah. I'll let you know when they arrive?" He sat down in front of the  
computer, returning to the work he'd been doing before being interrupted  
by the crackle of radio static.  
  
"That's fine. I'm going to look in on Mrs. Milton in Curtain 2.   
And Jerry, could you call the lab and find out what's taking so long?"  
  
"Sure, Dr. Weaver."   
  
Several minutes later, the double doors of the ambulance bay were pushed  
open by a gurney.   
  
"Man, you must be kidding me!" Eric exclaimed, giving his partner a   
disgusted look. "So what did you say to her?"  
  
The other paramedic named Chris was grinning as they pushed the gurney   
along, coming to a stop in front of the admit desk. "I'll tell you later."  
  
Jerry stood up after saving the document he'd been working on. He looked  
over at the EMTs. "Is this the DOA guy?"  
  
"Yeah, this would be him," Eric said, a little dryly. "Didn't you notice  
we weren't exactly in a hurry?"  
  
"Whatever. So what happened to him?" Jerry peered over the counter to   
look at the victim. The guy looked really smashed up.  
  
"There were a couple of witnesses who were standing at a bus stop. They  
said the guy took the corner too fast and lost control. He ended up  
wrapped around a tree. He must've died on impact. It took an hour with  
the jaws to pry him outta the car," Chris answered.  
  
"He just barely missed plowing into the two witnesses," Eric added.   
"They were pretty lucky. And pretty shook up."  
  
"No kidding. Did you find any ID on him?" Jerry asked.   
  
"Yeah, in his wallet," Eric replied. "Bradford Prescott."  
  
Chris gave Jerry a quizzical look. "Hey, you ok? You don't look so good."  
  
Jerry gulped, hoping he'd heard wrong. "What was the guy's name?"  
  
"Bradford Prescott," Eric repeated. "Why, you know him?"  
  
"Uh, yeah. Sort of," Jerry muttered, wondering what he should do.   
Geez, this was bad. Real bad.   
  
"He was a friend of yours?"  
  
"What? No, not really." Jerry went through the doorway to join them  
in the outer hallway. He looked at the body more closely. The face was  
covered in blood, swollen, and lacerated, but it was still recognizable.  
He'd been hoping it was purely coincidence, and that someone with the  
exact same name as the Bradford Prescott he knew had died. But they were  
one and the same. Poor Lucy.  
  
"So where do you want him?" Chris asked, a little impatiently. His shift   
was almost over and he was looking forward to going home.  
  
"Uh, put him in Trauma 3."  
  
The gurney was wheeled away and Jerry dashed over to Curtain 2.   
"Dr. Weaver!"  
  
"Just a minute, Jerry." Kerry didn't even look up as she concentrated on   
Mrs. Milton. She smiled at the older woman reassuringly. "Of course,  
I'll try calling him again. I'm sure he'll be here soon."  
  
"Thank you, doctor," Mrs. Milton said faintly, closing her eyes with a  
sigh.  
  
Kerry patted her hand. "I'll be back soon." She drew the curtain around  
the bed and finally faced Jerry, noticing his agitation. "What is it?"  
  
"It's Brad! I can't believe he's dead! What are we gonna do? Should we  
call her first? I don't know what.."  
  
"Jerry!" she said sharply, reaching out to grab his arm. He abruptly   
closed his mouth and blinked at her. "You're rambling. Slow down, and   
tell me what's wrong."  
  
He took a breath and tried again. "Remember the DOA? It's Brad. Lucy's  
boyfriend. They just brought him in now."  
  
Kerry didn't show any outward reaction to the news. She remained perfectly  
calm. "What happened to him?" Jerry informed her of everything the   
paramedics had just told him. "Where's the body?" she asked.  
  
"I told the EMTs to put him in Trauma 3." Jerry was somewhat relieved now  
that Kerry was taking charge of the situation.   
  
"Well, we can't leave him there. Call Transpo and have someone move him  
to the morgue." She paused. "You're sure it's him?"  
  
"Yeah. I recognized him."  
  
"Do you know his family at all?"  
  
"No. But I'm sure Lucy does."  
  
Kerry looked thoughtful. "Ok, page Lucy and get her down here. But don't  
let her know what's happened. Make something up."  
  
"What should I do when she gets here?"  
  
"Find me. I'll talk to her." He turned to walk away and she called  
out, "Jerry!" He glanced back at her, and she said quietly, "Does anyone  
else know about this?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Good. Let's keep this to ourselves for now, please."  
  
He nodded. For once, he wasn't anxious to start gossiping. Not about this.  
  
***************  
  
What was that incessant beeping?   
  
Lucy moaned and turned on her side. In her dream, she'd been driving Brad  
home and honking the car horn...  
  
She slowly came to realize that her pager was beeping. Moaning out loud  
again, she turned on the small lamp next to her bed. Rubbing at her eyes,  
she picked up the pager and waited for several seconds until the numbers  
came into focus. Of course it was the ER. Who else would be paging her   
now?  
  
She punched the speed dial button and flopped back against the pillows,   
the phone to her ear. She recognized Jerry's voice when he answered.   
"It's Lucy. This had better be good." Her voice was gravelly and she  
sounded cranky to her own ears.  
  
"Yeah, there's a real crisis here and we're short-handed. You have to   
come down right away."  
  
"I don't suppose I have a choice."  
  
"Um, not really. Dr. Weaver specifically asked for you."  
  
"Great." Lucy looked at the time on her clock radio. At least the El  
was still running. "I'll be there in about half an hour."  
  
"Ok, Lucy. Sorry 'bout this."  
  
"Yeah, yeah." She hung up and and rolled over on her back, staring up   
at the ceiling. She could feel her eyelids growing heavier again, and   
realized she'd better get up before she drifted back to sleep.  
  
Going into the bathroom, she deliberately avoided looking in the mirror.  
She didn't need to know how bad she looked. After splashing cold water   
on her face, running a brush through her hair, and pulling on some warm   
clothes, she was ready. Well, as ready as she would ever be. It wasn't   
often that she was called into work like this, but it did happen   
occasionally. It was just part of the job.  
  
After locking her door, she looked at the closed door of Carter's apartment.  
It was strange to think he was living there now. The idea still took some  
getting used to. She had to admit, she'd appreciated his support when Brad  
had been acting like a total...   
  
She forced herself to stop the thought there. She didn't want to think  
about Brad. It only made her confused and unhappy. She knew she had to  
make a decision soon about what to do, but it didn't have to be tonight.  
  
As Lucy walked down the silent corridor, she wondered if Carter had also  
been called in to the ER. Maybe he was already down there. Or maybe he  
was snugly asleep in his own bed, having pleasant dreams. Since he had  
been so kind to her earlier, she magnanimously hoped the latter was true.  
  
***************  
  
The nurses gathered at the admit desk burst out laughing at Chuny's joke.  
This night shift was proving to be a slow one. A couple of traumas  
had come in earlier, but nothing for the past hour or so. A few people  
were in chairs. Most of them were waiting for relatives to be treated  
and released.  
  
Chuny looked over at Jerry. He had a magazine open on the desk, but was  
staring into space. "Hey, you didn't laugh at my joke!" She smiled  
at him, but he obviously hadn't heard her. "Jerry?"  
  
"Huh?" He finally glanced over at her.  
  
"What's wrong with you tonight? You look like your best friend died."  
  
"It's nothing," he mumbled, turning his attention back to the magazine.  
  
Chuny gave Lydia and Lily a look, and shrugged.   
  
"Ok, here I am," Lucy announced, pulling off her gloves as she approached  
the desk. "Where's the big emergency?"  
  
"Lucy!" Jerry exclaimed. He stood up so quickly, the stool beneath him  
almost overturned before he steadied it. Four pairs of female eyes  
looked at him strangely. He reddened and stammered, "Uh... just wait   
right here, Lucy. I'm gonna go get Dr. Weaver."  
  
He practically sprinted down the hallway while the others stared after   
him.  
  
"That man gets more and more strange every day," Lydia commented, with a  
shake of her head.  
  
Lucy unzipped her coat and glanced around. This certainly didn't seem  
like a crisis. She was going to kill Jerry if this was some sort of  
false alarm. Then again, he had said that Dr. Weaver specifically  
asked for her, so maybe something was going on.  
  
"What are you doing here, Lucy?" Chuny asked curiously. "Your shift  
isn't starting now, is it?"  
  
"I was paged," Lucy replied. "I'm gonna hang up my coat in the lounge.  
Can you tell Dr. Weaver where I am if she comes looking for me?"  
  
"Sure," Chuny answered. She had a puzzled frown on her face. There   
was definitely something weird going on here, but she didn't know what  
it was.   
  
***************  
  
Kerry stood outside the lounge door and took several long breaths.   
This was going to be very difficult. She didn't know how deep the  
relationship between Brad and Lucy had been, but regardless, it was  
going to be disturbing news for her. She had thought about various  
ways of telling her, but had decided it would be best to be blunt.   
Gentle, but blunt. She had no way of guessing how Lucy was going to  
react, so she was prepared for the worst.  
  
Pushing open the door, she found Lucy sitting by the table. First, she   
noticed that Lucy had changed into her lab coat. Second, she thought  
that Lucy looked extremely tired. She had dark smudges under her eyes  
and her pallor didn't look good. And this night was only going to get  
worse for her, poor girl.  
  
"Hi, Lucy."  
  
"Dr. Weaver." Lucy didn't return the older woman's smile. "What's   
going on? Why was I paged here when there obviously isn't any sort   
of crisis?"  
  
Kerry came to sit down beside her, pulling the chair closer to Lucy.   
"You're right. And don't blame Jerry. It was my idea to tell you that.  
But I do need to speak with you, Lucy." She regarded the girl seriously.  
  
Lucy almost wanted to look away from Kerry, but couldn't. She could read  
sadness in the woman's eyes and she didn't know what that meant. "You're  
scaring me. What's wrong?" she asked nervously.  
  
Kerry took her hand. "It's about Brad. Brad Prescott. He was brought in  
earlier tonight, DOA. Apparently, he lost control of his car and crashed  
into a tree. He died on impact. There was nothing that could be done for  
him. I'm truly sorry, Lucy."  
  
Lucy found that she couldn't speak. She wanted to shout, 'What? What are  
you talking about? How can he be dead?', but she didn't say a word. She  
looked down at their joined hands, and pulled away from Kerry's grasp.   
She clasped her hands in her lap and still remained silent.  
  
A minute passed and Kerry finally spoke. "Lucy, are you all right?"  
  
Lucy's head jerked involuntarily at the sound of her voice, and she gazed   
down at her hands. She noted somewhat detachedly that her knuckles were   
white. "You're sure it's Brad?" she whispered, her voice shaking slightly.  
  
Kerry nodded, wishing there was some doubt in her mind. But she'd taken   
a look at the body herself and had made sure there was no sign of life.   
Although she hadn't known Brad well, she'd seen him with Lucy on several   
occasions. There was no mistake. "Jerry and I both recognized him.   
We also have his ID from his wallet."  
  
"Can I see him?"  
  
Kerry hesitated. "He's already been moved to the morgue." She quickly  
added, "The reason I asked you to come down here, is to ask if you know   
how to contact his next of kin."  
  
Lucy was trying to focus on what Kerry was saying, but her mind was   
swirling with disconnected thoughts. What had she said? Oh, contacting   
family. "Uh, his mother died a few years ago. His father lives in   
Chicago, but I don't know his phone number. Oh, but my mother would   
know. I could call her."  
  
"Would you do that? It would be a great help." Kerry realized that Lucy  
was acting with unnatural calm. People dealt with grief in different ways.  
The full impact of Brad's death probably hadn't hit her yet, and there was   
no way of knowing when it would happen.  
  
"I'll call her right now."   
  
Lucy mechanically moved towards the phone, and Kerry said, "Take your  
time, Lucy. I'll be right back."  
  
Kerry stepped outside and almost bumped into Jerry. He looked down at her  
anxiously. "How did she take it?" he asked.  
  
"Pretty well. A little too well. I'm worried about her," she said honestly.  
  
"Well, the police are here. They want to talk to someone."  
  
"I'll talk to them. Can you try to deter anyone from using the lounge   
right now? Lucy's just calling her mother."  
  
"Yeah, no problem," Jerry replied. He wondered if Lucy and Brad had been  
in love.   
  
***************  
  
"Are you sure, honey? I could be there on a flight first thing this morning."  
  
"No, Mom. There's nothing you could do right now."  
  
Lucy was trying to convince her mother not to fly in to Chicago. There   
really was no need, at this point, though she'd most certainly come to the   
funeral. Her mom had looked up Mr. Prescott's address and phone number,   
and Lucy had written it down on a scratch pad kept by the phone. She   
doodled on the paper, making endless circles as she listened to her mother.  
She finally interrupted her in mid-sentence. "I'm sorry, Mom, but I have   
to go. I've got to get this phone number to someone."  
  
"Of course. Are you absolutely sure I shouldn't come right away?"  
  
"I'm sure. I'll call you later, ok?"  
  
"Ok, Lucy. I love you."  
  
"I love you too. Bye."  
  
Lucy ripped the top sheet from the pad of paper, and went into the hallway.  
Jerry was standing right by the lounge door.  
  
"Hey," he said softly.  
  
"Hey yourself. What are you doing just standing there?"  
  
"Dr. Weaver asked that I stand guard so you weren't disturbed. So you   
talked to your mom?"  
  
"Uh huh." Lucy's attention was diverted by a couple of police officers   
that were talking to Dr. Weaver further down the hall. "The police   
are here?"  
  
Jerry followed Lucy's gaze. "Yeah. I guess they want more details about  
what happened."  
  
Lucy was fairly certain the police would want to question her. After all,  
she was the last person who'd seen Brad alive; assuming the accident had  
happened directly after leaving her apartment.  
  
That's when the thought hit her, or rather, it slammed into her like a  
truck. This was her fault. She had been so upset by Brad's behaviour  
towards her in her apartment, that she'd kicked him out and let him drive  
drunk. She had been so concerned about him not driving when they'd left  
the restaurant, and yet the thought had never occurred to her when he'd  
left her apartment. How could she have let that happen?  
  
*Because I was angry and upset. He almost assaulted me!* one part of her  
mind argued.  
  
*But he didn't deserve to die over it. I'm responsible for this!*   
the other part accused.  
  
Lucy felt sick. She could feel Jerry's eyes on her and she looked up   
at him. "Did you say something?" she asked weakly.  
  
"I just asked if you're ok."  
  
"Yeah, I'm fine," she lied. "Listen, can you give this to Dr. Weaver?"   
She handed him the slip of paper. "It has Mr. Prescott's, Brad's father's,  
address and phone number."  
  
He looked at the note, then glanced down at her. "Why don't you give it  
to her yourself?"  
  
"There's something I have to do." She started backing down the hall.  
"I'll be back soon."  
  
"Where are you going, Lucy?" Jerry called after her, concerned about how  
she was behaving.  
  
She ignored him and ran down the hall. She only had one destination in mind.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	6. Aftershocks

PLEASE SEE CHAPTER 1 FOR DISCLAIMER, NOTES, ETC.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"What was the name again?" the attendant asked, looking at a clipboard.  
  
"Prescott. Bradford Prescott," Lucy replied. "He was brought in DOA."  
  
"Oh, right. He just came down a little while ago. Follow me." The   
attendant walked on ahead and Lucy trailed behind him. "Are you here  
to identify the body?"  
  
"No, I'm not his family. I just need...wanted to see him."  
  
She watched as the attendant checked his list and located the correct  
drawer. He opened the small door and pulled out the sliding table.  
Slowly, she stepped forward and gazed at the body.   
  
"I'll leave you alone, then," the attendant murmured, keeping a respectful  
distance. "Just let me know when you're finished."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Lucy continued to stare down at him. This didn't look like Brad at all.  
Oh, it was definitely him; no doubt about that. But her mind wasn't  
accepting that the Brad she had known, and this lifeless body, were  
the same person.   
  
Over the past couple of years, she had seen many people die; some old,  
some young. Having a child die always seemed the most tragic; like  
Sarah Browning. Even when someone was old and frail, and died of  
natural causes, it was never easy to watch.   
  
And now, here lay her boyfriend. A man that she had come to care for.  
A man that while flawed, and lacking in good judgment, certainly had  
not deserved to die as he had.   
  
She felt sadness and remorse, but her eyes were dry. That surprised  
her. Couldn't she even shed a tear for him? What was wrong with her?  
The one feeling that was beginning to overwhelm her as she stood here,  
was guilt. *I should have called a taxi for him. I should have taken  
his keys away. I should have done something to keep him from driving.  
Why didn't I think of that then? How could I have been so selfish and  
stupid?*   
  
"I'm sorry, Brad," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."  
  
That vague nauseous feeling in her stomach was getting worse. She was  
going to be sick.  
  
Lucy turned on her heel and ran through the morgue, past the startled  
attendant, who started to say, "Are you all right, miss?" She didn't  
answer, but kept her hand clapped to her mouth, and reached the hallway.  
There was a washroom conveniently located just outside of the morgue.  
She barely made it to the stall inside before she started retching.  
  
After her stomach had been emptied, she sat on the floor for a while.  
Minutes passed; exactly how long, she didn't know. She tried to  
keep her mind blank. She concentrated on her breathing and the beating  
of her heart. Both were erratic for a short time, then gradually slowed  
to a steady rhythm.   
  
She wasn't sure how long she sat there, but her silent world was   
interrupted by someone coming into the washroom.  
  
"Hey, you all right down there?" a woman asked, seeing a pair of legs  
sprawled on the floor.  
  
Lucy quickly rose to her feet, trying to ignore the wave of dizziness  
that passed through her. She came out of the stall and mumbled,   
"I wasn't feeling well."  
  
"Let me guess, your first visit to the morgue?"  
  
Lucy wished the woman would shut up. She was entirely too cheerful.  
Washing her hands and then rinsing out her mouth, Lucy remained quiet  
as the woman entered one of the stalls, continuing her chatter.  
  
Lucy slipped out of the washroom as quickly as possible, then slowed her  
steps and headed toward the elevator. Keeping her mind deliberately   
blank had helped her for a little while, but the rational side of her   
knew she couldn't do that for much longer. She was heading back up to   
the ER now; back up to the real world. It was time to face reality again.  
  
***************  
  
"She still isn't back yet?" Kerry asked.  
  
Jerry shook his head. Half an hour had passed since Lucy had ran off.  
They were both starting to get worried. Kerry had called Mr. Prescott,  
and he was on his way to the hospital. The police were sitting in chairs,  
waiting to speak with Lucy.   
  
The ER had quieted down now. The last patient had just been discharged.  
Most of the staff members were talking softly in little groups,   
speculating over why the police were here and how Lucy was involved.  
Everyone knew that she had been paged here, but they wondered why.  
And now it seemed she had disappeared.  
  
"Here she is!" someone called out.  
  
Lucy walked slowly down the hall, painfully aware that she was the center  
of attention. Everyone was staring at her, and she tried to avoid their  
gazes. Did they all know? Did everyone know she had killed Brad?   
She started to feel queasy again, and desperately tried to ignore it.  
  
"Lucy, there you are."  
  
The voice cut into her thoughts and she found herself facing Dr. Weaver.  
  
"We were worried about you," Kerry continued, her voice gentle. "Where did  
you go?"  
  
"I...nowhere. I just needed to get some air."  
  
Kerry tried to place a hand on her arm, but Lucy shied away. For some   
reason, she simply didn't want to be touched. They continued to walk   
down the hall. "Do you feel up to talking with the police? They just   
want to ask you a few questions."   
  
"Yeah, sure," Lucy replied faintly. She just wished everyone would stop  
staring at her! She could feel her cheeks growing hot.  
  
Kerry was starting to get annoyed with the staff, and her crutch fell  
with a loud thunk with every step she took. "If you don't have anything  
to do, I suggest you all make use of the lounge," she called out, her  
tone of voice not leaving room for argument.   
  
She led Lucy to chairs, while most of the staff made their way to the  
lounge. Some of them stayed around the admit desk, either having   
legitimate work to do, or pretending to be busy. Jerry sat by the  
computer and began surfing the 'net. He'd been asked a lot of questions  
about Lucy, but had claimed to be clueless. No one knew about Brad yet.  
  
The two men in the waiting area stood up as Kerry and Lucy approached them.  
  
"Are you Miss Knight?" one of them asked.  
  
"Yes," Lucy replied, trying to keep her voice steady.  
  
"Actually, it's Dr. Knight," Kerry said crisply.  
  
"All right, Dr. Knight. I'm Officer Murdock, and this is Officer Olsten."  
He indicated his partner, who nodded, not having spoken yet. He then  
looked back to Kerry. "If you don't mind, we should speak to Dr. Knight  
alone."  
  
Kerry did mind, but she wasn't sure if it was her place to protest.   
She had grown fond of Lucy over the past few years, and was feeling  
rather like the mother hen right now.  
  
As if reading her mind, Lucy said, "It's all right, Dr. Weaver. I'll be  
fine."  
  
"I'll be by the admit desk, then." She wanted to add, 'if you need me',  
but she held her tongue, and left the three of them alone.  
  
"So Bradford Prescott was your boyfriend. Is that correct?" Officer   
Murdock asked.  
  
"That's right."  
  
"How long did you know each other?"  
  
"About three months."  
  
"When was the last time you saw him?"  
  
*Just a little while ago, in the morgue* she thought sadly. She told  
them about their date; going out to a movie, and then to dinner.   
Officer Murdock asked what time Brad had left her apartment. She had  
to think about it for a moment, and replied that it had been about 10 pm.  
  
The officer told her the accident had occurred just after 10 o'clock.  
  
"Did he have anything to drink?" Officer Olsten asked, speaking up for  
the first time.  
  
Lucy felt the sharp twinge of guilt again. She nodded and let them know  
how much he'd drank at the restaurant. Was she imagining things, or   
were both of the men looking at her with an unspoken accusation in their  
eyes?  
  
Kerry wondered how Lucy was holding up. Although she kept insisting she  
was fine, Kerry didn't believe her. Not for a second. She got the   
feeling that Lucy was just hanging on by a thread, and she was afraid  
it was going to start unraveling at any moment.  
  
"Where is he? Where's my son!" a frantic voice boomed.   
  
Kerry looked up as a man rushed up to the window of the admit desk,  
out of breath and his brow creased with worry. She stepped forward  
immediately. "Mr. Prescott?" she asked.  
  
He looked down at her, still taking in gulps of air. "Yes."  
  
"I'm Dr. Weaver. We spoke on the phone."  
  
"Where's Brad?" Even as he asked the question, he started moving down  
the hall, his head turning to the left and right.  
  
"Just a moment, Mr. Prescott!" Kerry hurried after him.  
  
He quickly came upon the waiting area, and spotted his son's girlfriend  
talking with two police officers. "Lucy, what's happened to Brad?"  
he demanded.  
  
Lucy's heart jumped at the sound of his voice, and she turned to find  
him striding towards her. "Mr. Prescott!" She knew, of course, that  
he would be called into the ER. But she didn't realize how difficult  
it would be to look into his eyes. She wanted to run and hide; anything  
to avoid facing him. But her legs felt like blocks of cement, and all   
she could do was stand there.  
  
"Are you Bradford Prescott's father?" Officer Murdock asked.  
  
"Yes, I'm Thomas Prescott. What's going on? Is he all right?"  
  
Kerry came up behind the distraught man, and she shared a look with  
the officer. Who's job was it to give the news? Because this wasn't  
really a criminal case, she decided the task belonged to her.   
She moved herself into Mr. Prescott's line of vision and switched  
to professional mode. "I'm afraid I have bad news. Perhaps you   
should sit down."  
  
"I'll stand, thank you," he said stiffly, eyeing Kerry warily.  
He almost seemed to be bracing himself for what was to come.  
  
"I told you over the phone that your son was brought into the ER, but  
I didn't tell you everything. He was involved in a car accident and  
was killed instantly. He was brought here by the paramedics, DOA.  
There was nothing we could do for him." The regret was obvious in  
Kerry's voice. "I'm very sorry."  
  
There were several beats of silence, and all eyes were focused on  
Mr. Prescott. "DOA..." he murmured, almost to himself. "Dead on  
arrival. A car accident, you say." He looked at the officers, both  
of whom were regarding him solemnly. "What exactly happened?"  
  
Officer Olsten began to explain the situation, according to what the  
two eyewitnesses had reported. In a nutshell, Brad had been speeding  
and lost control of his car, smashing into a tree. Mr. Prescott's  
expression didn't change as he listened to the story. His face  
remained impassive.  
  
Officer Olsten finished up by saying, "Dr. Knight has informed us that  
alcohol was most likely a factor."  
  
Mr. Prescott glanced at Lucy. "How so?"  
  
She had to swallow hard, before replying. "Brad had a lot to drink at  
dinner."  
  
"And you let him drive?" Mr. Prescott's voice rose sharply.  
  
"I...I drove us back to my apartment after dinner. But then...we, uh,  
had a fight, and he left." She felt herself withering under Mr. Prescott's  
stare. That urge to run was starting to overwhelm her again, but she  
felt almost trapped under his intense gaze.  
  
"Why didn't you stop him?"  
  
"I don't know. I...I wasn't thinking."  
  
"Damn right you weren't thinking!" Mr. Prescott roared, his control   
finally snapping. He stepped forward, pointing an accusing finger in  
Lucy's white face. "You should have stopped him! Obviously, you were  
concerned about your own safety when you drove home from the restaurant.  
You made sure he didn't drive when your own life was at stake. And yet  
you didn't have any qualms about letting him drive off after your little  
argument. Did you want him to die?"  
  
"Of course not," Lucy uttered miserably, his words cutting through her   
like sharp little knives.   
  
Kerry had just about had enough. "Mr. Prescott, I really think you..."  
  
"Stay out of this!" he barked, his eyes never straying from Lucy's face.  
He stepped closer still, and she took an involuntary step backwards from  
his hateful glare. He lowered his voice slightly so he was no longer   
shouting, but his tone was icy. "This is your fault. He would still  
be alive if you..." His voice started shaking but he continued on.   
"You killed him. You killed my son."  
  
Lucy was already pale, but she now turned whiter than a sheet. Her eyes  
looked enormous in her face. *He's right. I killed him. Oh God*  
She couldn't breathe, and the walls seemed to be closing in on her. She   
had to escape.  
  
"Mr. Prescott!" Kerry snapped angrily. "That's enough!" She turned to  
Lucy, but before she could say anything, Lucy bolted from the room.  
Kerry called out her name and hobbled after her as fast as she could.  
  
Lucy didn't even hear her. All she could hear was the drumming of her  
own heart, and it seemed to beat in time to the words 'my fault, my fault,  
my fault...' She pushed through the ambulance bay doors and ran out  
into the night.  
  
Kerry followed behind her, still shouting her name. Shivering in the  
cold, she watched with dismay as Lucy disappeared around the corner.  
"Damnit! Jerry!" she yelled, turning back. She looked up to find  
that he had already stepped outside. "Run after her. Drag her back   
here if you have to."  
  
Jerry took off down the back street. She stood there for a while,   
enduring the frigid air, then reluctantly returned to the warmth  
behind the double doors. She practically kept her nose to the glass  
until she saw him running back towards her. Without Lucy.   
  
Her heart sank and she waited impatiently until he came through the  
doors. The worried look in her eyes was mirrored in his own, and  
he spoke between gasps of air. "I can't find her. I thought I saw  
someone in a white coat turning down one alley, but it wasn't her.  
I'm sorry, Dr. Weaver."  
  
"Ok. It's ok, Jerry." She patted him on the arm, and walked back to  
the admit desk, noticing that Mr. Prescott was now deep in conversation  
with the two officers. That was fine by her. She didn't want to talk  
to any of them right now.   
  
Part of her understood that Mr. Prescott had been lashing out blindly  
in his grief, perhaps feeling the need to place the blame on someone  
for the senseless death of his son. But what he had said to Lucy  
had been so cruel, she almost winced now just from the memory of it.  
Lucy hadn't deserved that.   
  
And the officers. They had just stood there in stony silence while  
Mr. Prescott had ripped Lucy to shreds. Would it have been asking  
too much for them to have shown the young woman a small measure of  
compassion? From the moment they had come into the ER, they had  
simply performed their duties with an air of coolness. She tried to  
reason that they were only doing their jobs, but she wished they could  
display a little more empathy for what Lucy was going through.  
Couldn't everyone see that she was suffering enough?  
  
"Where could she have gone?" She didn't realize she had spoken out  
loud until Jerry answered her.  
  
"Maybe she caught the El back home," he suggested.  
  
"Maybe," she mused. She was most worried about Lucy not having her  
winter coat on. Her sweater and lab coat would not provide her with  
enough protection from the cold for long. Thankfully, it was a bit   
milder tonight than it had been in a while.   
  
She hoped that Lucy was indeed on her way home. And that gave her   
an idea.  
  
***************  
  
After the fourth ring, the machine picked up.   
  
Carter half awakened, and then rolled over on his side, his eyes   
fluttering closed again.   
  
"Carter, are you there? It's Kerry. This is an emergency. Lucy's  
missing. Carter?" the anxious voice came through the answering machine.  
  
"What?" he croaked, turning back to his other side. He fumbled for  
the phone, almost dropping the receiver. "What did you say, Kerry?"  
he asked, finally getting the phone to his ear.  
  
Kerry started at the beginning, telling him about Brad's death. She  
included some of the ugly scene between Lucy and Mr. Prescott, and   
ended by telling him that Lucy had ran out of the ER.  
  
"She doesn't even have her winter coat on," Kerry said. "I'm hoping  
she got on the El and is headed home. Could you keep an eye out for her?  
And let me know if she shows up?"  
  
Carter was fully awake now and sitting up in his bed. His mind was  
reeling from everything Kerry had told him. "Yeah, of course, but  
you're not sure she's headed back here?"  
  
"No, I have no idea."  
  
"What are you saying, she could be wandering alone through the streets  
in the middle of the night?" Just the thought of it made him shudder.  
God, anything could happen to her out there! How could they just let  
her run off like that?  
  
He heard some muffled voices, as if Kerry had covered the mouthpiece  
of the receiver with her hand. Then her voice came through clearly  
again. "I'm sorry, Carter, I have to go. So let me know if she comes  
back to the apartment, ok?"  
  
"Yeah, ok," he muttered.  
  
He hung up the phone and turned on the bedside lamp, blinking in the  
sudden brightness. Running a hand through his already tousled hair,  
he stared at the wall. So Brad was dead. He didn't know how to feel  
about that. Truthfully, he really hadn't known the guy; didn't know  
that much about him. He sure as hell hadn't liked how Brad had treated  
Lucy. That's about all he was sure of.  
  
And Brad's father blamed Lucy for letting him drive while drunk? Well,  
she wasn't the only one to blame for that. Carter had been able to smell  
the alcohol on Brad's breath, so he'd known that Brad had been drinking.  
But it hadn't been obvious that he was drunk. He hadn't slurred his words  
or stumbled over his feet. In any case, concern over Brad driving himself  
home hadn't even crossed Carter's mind. It didn't make sense to blame  
Lucy. Brad was a big boy, and capable of making his own decisions.   
His death had been caused by his own recklessness.  
  
Carter was concerned over Lucy's state of mind. She had been having a  
hard time of it lately. He remembered how agitated she'd been earlier  
this evening, when she'd rambled on to him about work, and how tired  
she was. He was worried that Brad's death on top of all this would be  
enough to drive her over the edge.  
  
*The edge of what?* He didn't want to know the answer.  
  
Carter hopped off the bed and started pacing. What should he do?   
He didn't want to just wait here, hoping that she might eventually turn  
up. There had to be more that he could do.   
  
He could just picture her walking through the streets of Chicago in a   
daze, an easy target for any scumbag that came across her... His mouth  
suddenly went dry and he felt a band of fear tighten across his chest.  
"Calm down. You're driving yourself crazy," he said aloud. He couldn't  
stand it any longer. There was no way he could just sit here and wait   
around. He had to find her.   
  
Once he'd made the decision, he felt a little better. He dressed as   
quickly as possible and wound his way through the living room in the  
dark. Banging into a stack of boxes, he cursed as he stubbed his toe.  
He hadn't quite managed to unpack everything yet.   
  
Turning on the kitchen light, he reached for the note he'd stuck on the  
refrigerator. It was the superintendent's phone number.  
  
Carter expected Mr. Stein to be sleeping. It was just past 12:30 am,  
but he answered after the first ring. Carter explained the situation  
and Mr. Stein was most sympathetic. He had always liked Lucy; she was  
an ideal tenant that never gave him any problems. He offered to spend  
the next hour or so down in the office to keep an eye out for her.  
He said he was a night owl anyway, and could read his book down there  
as easily as in bed.   
  
Carter thanked the man profusely, and gave him his pager number.  
Mr. Stein promised to call him immediately if Lucy came home.  
  
With that taken care of, Carter was free to go. As he drove towards  
the hospital, his eyes were practically glued to the sidewalks.   
But there was no sign of her. At one point, he had to slam on the  
brakes, almost plowing into the car in front of him. He focused a  
bit more on his driving after that close call.  
  
He parked in his usual spot and made his way to the ER. As he walked  
towards Admitting, he could sense a buzz in the air. Swinging his  
head back and forth, he looked for Kerry but couldn't see her anywhere.  
He spotted Jerry by the desk.  
  
"Jerry, any news on Lucy?"   
  
Jerry looked faintly surprised to see Carter, but he certainly didn't  
question it. They could use all the help they could get. "No, nothing."  
  
"Where's Kerry?"  
  
"She took Brad's father down to the morgue to identify the body."   
Jerry gave a shake of his head. "Man, I still can't believe it."  
  
Carter came to stand a little closer to him. "So how did Lucy look the  
last time you saw her?" he asked in a low voice.  
  
Jerry looked somber. "Not good. Mr. Prescott was really laying into  
her. I could hear him from here. Heck, everyone in the ER heard him.  
I felt so bad for her."  
  
"Did you see which way she ran?"  
  
"Not really. I ended up running after some other woman for a minute  
before I realized it wasn't Lucy," he admitted, a little sheepishly.  
  
"Is security looking for her?"  
  
"A few guys, yeah. And the two cops that were here."  
  
Carter had a sudden thought. He almost dismissed it, but it was still  
a possibility. "They're searching the streets around the hospital, right?"  
  
"Yeah, far as I know. Why?"  
  
"Nothing. I'm just gonna check something out."  
  
Carter headed towards the elevator and pushed the up button. He found  
himself making a silent prayer. *Please God, let me find her safe and  
sound*   
  
"I'm coming, Luce," he whispered.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	7. Reflections

PLEASE SEE CHAPTER 1 FOR DISCLAIMER, NOTES, ETC.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
It was cold up on the roof. The wind seemed much more noticeable up  
here than down below. Carter walked around the entire rooftop, looking  
behind every possible nook that she could be hiding behind. There was  
no sign of her.  
  
He let out a sigh of frustration. He had really thought she might be  
up here. It was a popular spot to come and sit; to escape from the  
rigors of work for a while. The two of them had chosen the roof for some  
of their chats. They hadn't done that for a long time, though.  
  
Where could she be? He hadn't realized how much he had been pinning his  
hopes on finding her here. His gut began churning with a sick feeling  
of dread and his imagination kicked into overdrive. He didn't want to  
think about the dangers she could be in. Instead, he tried to focus on  
what to do next. Where else might she have went? But maybe it wouldn't   
even help to try to figure that out. She certainly hadn't been thinking  
rationally when she'd ran headlong out of the ER into the winter night.  
Who knew where she might have ended up.  
  
Well, no sense in hanging around here. Carter headed back towards the   
stairs, unsure of what he should do.   
  
***************  
  
The silence in the room was deafening. Mr. Prescott hadn't spoken a   
word since Kerry had brought him down here. He simply stared down at  
the body of his son, his face void of expression.   
  
"Would you like some time alone with him?" she asked, finally breaking  
the quiet stillness of the air.  
  
He opened his mouth to speak, but only a strangled sound emerged.   
Abruptly, he closed his mouth and cleared his throat, pushing the bridge  
of his glasses up with one finger. "If you don't mind, I'd rather not  
be alone," he managed to say, his voice trembling.  
  
"Take as much time as you need," Kerry said kindly, watching as the man  
rubbed at his temple. While his face had seemed to be strangely blank  
for the longest time, he now looked weary and resigned.   
  
He reached out to touch Brad's dark hair, brushing it back from his   
forehead. "I just can't believe it. Can't believe he's gone. Just like  
that. I never..." The sudden lump in his throat blocked his speech for  
a moment, and his hand dropped to his side. He took a shuddering breath  
and continued. "Never got a chance to say goodbye. Never told him..."  
He turned his agonized gaze towards Kerry. "Didn't tell him I loved him."  
  
"I'm sure he knew," she said quietly, feeling obligated to say the words  
the man needed to hear. But truthfully, she wasn't sure of that at all.  
She had no idea if Brad had known that. She could only hope it was true.  
  
"I hope so." He seemed to echo her thoughts. "I'm not an easy man to   
get along with, Dr. Weaver. I wonder now, looking back, if I was  
sometimes too hard on Brad. Lyndsay always told me I was, but I never  
believed it. And now...now I think maybe she was right." He uttered  
a brief, harsh laugh. "Not that any of this matters now. He's dead.  
Nothing will change that."   
  
"Lyndsay was your wife?" Kerry guessed, recalling that Lucy had told her  
Brad's mother had died some time ago.  
  
He nodded. "She died of cancer two years ago. Brad took it very hard.  
He was closer to his mother than to me." He smiled wistfully. "Looked  
a lot like her too. The same eyes and mouth. Lyndsay always understood  
him better than I ever could. Now I've lost both of them." His eyes  
filled with tears and he visibly struggled against the sobs that threatened  
to overwhelm him.   
  
Kerry felt her own eyes grow wet and she placed a comforting hand on his  
back. After a minute or so, he was able to choke back his tears and compose  
himself once more. Removing his glasses, he swiped at his eyes and cleared  
his throat again, though more from embarrassment this time. "I apologize,  
Dr. Weaver. It's not often I lose my composure like that."  
  
"I would be more worried if you didn't, Mr. Prescott. It's perfectly  
understandable." Kerry glanced at the clock. They'd been down here for  
twenty minutes now. She wondered if Lucy had been found yet. "Feel free  
to remain here as long as you like. Just let the attendant know when  
you're ready to leave. I'd like to get back to the ER and see how the  
search for Lucy is progressing."  
  
Mr. Prescott looked remorseful at the sound of her name. "I hope she's   
been found. I know she ran away because of what I said to her."  
  
Despite her sympathetic feelings towards him, Kerry fixed him with a stern  
gaze. "I know you were speaking out of grief, but your words were  
incredibly cruel to that young woman. You accused her of killing your   
son. And I'm afraid Lucy took it quite to heart."  
  
"I shouldn't have said those things. I was looking for someone to blame,  
and she was an easy target. If there's anyone to blame, it's me. I think  
Brad was having some problems lately, but I wasn't there for him.   
I didn't look out for him like I promised Lyndsay I would."   
  
Kerry regarded the older man sadly. "No, Mr. Prescott, you're not to   
blame either. Whatever problems you may have had with your son, you didn't   
force him to drink and then drive recklessly. Brad did that all on his own."  
  
***************  
  
"Hey, are you ok?"  
  
The woman continued to stare outside, not hearing her.   
  
The waitress frowned, wondering what could be causing the lovely girl to   
look so utterly desolate. "I said, are you ok?" she repeated, a little  
more loudly.  
  
Lucy finally turned her head away from the window, as the voice intruded   
into her thoughts. She looked up at the waitress blankly. "What?"  
  
"Just wondering if you're all right, hon. You've been sitting here for   
almost an hour, just looking out the window. Are you sure I can't get   
you anything?"  
  
"Please, just leave me alone." She returned to gazing through the glass.  
  
Melanie gave a shake of her head and returned to the counter. The diner   
was empty right now, and she'd recognized the young woman as a regular  
customer. That's the only reason why she allowed the girl to stay, even  
though she didn't order anything. Well, that and the fact that the poor  
thing looked so lost. She didn't have the heart to kick her out into the  
cold.  
  
Lucy wondered vaguely if she should return to the ER. She wouldn't be  
able to go home without getting her bag, which contained her wallet.  
She'd found that out when she had ran from the ER to the El station.  
She hadn't even realized where she was headed until she'd found herself  
at the ticket window. The man in the booth had given her strange looks  
as she'd stood there, panting and wide-eyed. Her only thought then had  
been to go home, but only then did she realize she'd left her knapsack in   
the lounge.   
  
She'd then started back towards County, her steps slow and uneven. Twice,  
she'd had to stop and brace herself against a building, waiting for the  
rush of dizziness to pass. Then she'd continued on, her hands unconsciously  
wrapping her lab coat more tightly around herself. She hadn't minded the   
cold. She'd even welcomed it. It had helped to keep her numb. The last   
thing she'd wanted was more feeling. She couldn't bear the weight of her   
guilt, so she'd pushed it back to the corner of her mind where it couldn't  
reach her.   
  
As she'd approached the main entrance of the hospital, she'd briefly  
considered going back to the ER, but had decided against it. Mr. Prescott  
was mostly likely still there, and she wasn't ready to face him again.  
So she'd gone into Doc Magoo's and sat quietly in a booth. She'd kept  
her mind occupied with inconsequential things; watching the occasional   
car drive by, seeing the odd person walking through the hospital doors  
and wondering what he or she was doing there at such a late hour.   
She'd been fairly successful in avoiding thoughts of Brad and her role  
in his death. But then the waitress had spoken to her and brought her  
crashing back to reality.  
  
As she sat here, she considered returning to the lounge to retrieve her bag.   
But that would mean facing everyone in the ER again, even if Mr. Prescott  
had already left. She recalled the curious stares she had received when  
walking down the hall to meet with the police. Perhaps she'd only been  
imagining the accusing look in their eyes then, but she certainly wouldn't  
be imagining it now if she returned. The whole staff would be aware of  
what had happened by now. She couldn't face them. She just couldn't.  
  
As she continued to gaze through the window, her focus changed and she  
found herself staring at her own reflection in the glass. Although the  
image was ghostly and pale, the guilt in her eyes clearly shone through.  
The emotions that had been safely tucked into the back of her mind  
started to seep out. She desperately tried to hold them back, but the   
feelings flooded forth once more. She couldn't bear to look at herself.  
  
Melanie thought she heard a noise and she looked up from the salt shakers  
she'd been refilling. The young woman was now hunched over in the booth,  
her face buried in her hands. That strange keening sound came from her  
again and the waitress hesitated, not liking to see anyone suffer.   
  
"Is there someone I can call for you, hon?" Melanie asked gently,   
wishing there was something she could do.  
  
Lucy was aware that the waitress was speaking to her again, but she  
wasn't able to make out the words. She didn't even realize she was  
crying. She could feel an aching pressure in her chest and her temples  
started to throb. But worst of all, the internal voice that had been  
silent for a while began to whisper again, reminding her of everything  
that had gone wrong. The only thing that had helped her before was  
the cold. All she wanted was to be numb again.  
  
Melanie had been slowly approaching her, and she now jumped back with   
surprise as the girl shot out of her seat. She watched helplessly as  
the young woman darted across the street, not even watching for traffic.  
Thankfully, there weren't many cars around at this hour.   
  
Melanie's far-sighted vision was rather poor, but she was fairly certain  
the girl ran into the hospital. She hoped that someone there would be   
able to help her.   
  
***************  
  
Carter glanced at his watch. 4:30 am. He'd been pounding the pavement  
for a little over three hours in total now. He'd periodically checked  
back in the ER for any update and then had returned to the streets.   
As each hour had passed, his despair had doubled. He was now out of  
his mind with worry. Each time he looked into a new alley he held   
his breath, half expecting to find her lying there, hurt or something  
worse. And every time he found the alley empty, he breathed a small  
sigh of relief, trudging down to the next street.  
  
He was running out of places to look. He decided to make his way back   
to County and get another update. The two police officers had taken off  
a couple of hours ago. They had gotten called away by dispatch to  
another case. Before leaving, they'd mentioned that pending no  
new information, Brad's death would be officially ruled as accidental.  
  
Carter arrived in front of the hospital and looked tiredly towards the   
beckoning lights of Doc Magoo's. He could really use a coffee.   
Stepping into the warm diner, he headed straight for the counter.  
  
Melanie smiled at him, recognizing him as one of the regulars. She  
noticed that he looked a little more ragged than usual. "You look  
like you need a coffee," she remarked with a grin.  
  
He managed a small smile. "Yeah, to go, please." As she started to  
move away he said, "Hey, did a woman about five foot two, short blonde  
hair, very pretty, wearing a white lab coat happen to come in here?"  
  
Melanie stopped in her tracks and lost her smile. "Yes she did, as a  
matter of fact."  
  
Carter perked up for the first time that night. "Yeah? How long ago?"  
he asked eagerly.  
  
"Hmmm...she was here for about an hour and left around 1:30."  
  
His renewed hope faded slightly. That long ago. She could be anywhere  
by now. Damn, why hadn't he thought to check here sooner? "Did she  
say anything? Or did you see where she went?"  
  
"She didn't say much of anything. Just asked that I leave her alone.  
Poor dear just sat in that booth, staring out the window. Then she  
started crying all of a sudden and ran out into the street. I'm pretty  
sure she went into the hospital."  
  
It wasn't much, but it was the best lead he'd had all night. Carter   
thanked the woman and started to leave.  
  
"What about your coffee?" Melanie asked.  
  
He shook his head. "I don't need it now." He was wide awake and  
anxious to start his search again.  
  
"Well, good luck. I hope you find her. I think she needs a good friend."  
  
Carter thanked her again and hurried across the street to the main lobby  
of County. He stopped at the Information desk to ask if someone fitting  
Lucy's description had come in this way, but no one had noticed her.   
He used their phone to call down to the ER and spoke to Jerry. There was  
no word on Lucy yet. He let Jerry know what the waitress in Doc's had   
told him, and that it was possible Lucy had returned to the hospital.  
Jerry said he'd let security know.  
  
After hanging up, Carter considered his next move. Where would Lucy have  
gone if she had indeed come back here? The morgue? The roof? He thought  
those two places might be his best bet, so he headed for the elevator.  
  
If he was honest with himself, he was still looking for a needle in a  
haystack. Lucy had left Doc's three hours ago. There was no way of   
knowing where she'd be now. But he had to try. He couldn't give up;  
not when she was out there alone. He had to find her. He just had to.   
  
***************  
  
Carter shivered as the blast of wind struck him full force, blowing strands  
of hair into his eyes. Damn, but it was freezing! Although he would like  
nothing better than to find Lucy, he almost hoped he wouldn't find her here.  
It was too cold for anyone to spend minutes up here, never mind hours.  
He'd checked the morgue, gone back to the ER, and stopped at the nurse's  
station on every floor before venturing up on the roof again. Considering  
the conditions up here, he thought it was highly unlikely she'd be here.  
But he started to walk around anyway, knowing he couldn't leave any stone  
unturned.  
  
He didn't have to go very far. There she was, sitting huddled in the   
corner, her arms wrapped around her knees.  
  
"Lucy! Oh my God!" He raced over and knelt in front of her, reaching out  
to touch her cheek. He was expecting it to be icy, but she felt hot to  
the touch. She was running a fever. "Luce? Say something," he implored.   
  
She ignored him, staring beyond his shoulder into space. She just sat   
there, rocking slightly back and forth, her beautiful blue eyes vacant.  
  
Carter shivered again, but not from the cold this time. He was scared.   
Scared that she had truly gone over the edge. "Lucy! Talk to me! How long  
have you been here?" As he spoke, he started to remove his coat. He   
wrapped it around her shoulders and shook her gently. "Snap out of it,  
Luce. Please, sweetheart, you're scaring me."  
  
Lucy could feel a warmth starting to seep into her body. What was going on?   
She didn't want warmth. She liked the cold. She craved the numbness.  
She felt a warm hand against her cheek and then her forehead. Her eyes  
slowly came to focus on a familiar face. "Carter?" she mumbled, her voice  
hoarse from not having spoken in a long while.  
  
"Oh, thank God!" Such an immense feeling of relief shot through him,   
he was glad he was already kneeling. He smiled at her reassuringly,   
stroking her hair back from her forehead. "It's ok. I'm here now. You're   
gonna be fine."  
  
What was he talking about? What was he doing here? Lucy suddenly realized  
that she was wearing his coat. That's why she was starting to feel warm  
again. With an abrupt and unexpected motion, she threw his coat off,  
inadvertently knocking him off balance. He fell over on his butt as she  
jumped up quickly.  
  
She groaned as the world spun around her, feeling a wave of nausea.  
Swaying to the side, she would have tipped over if Carter hadn't gotten  
to his feet and caught her in his arms. She briefly allowed him to gather  
her close, and heard him say, "You're sick. You've got a fever. Let me  
take you back to the ER."  
  
"No!" She pulled away from the warmth of his body, staggering backwards.  
"Just leave me alone," she pleaded.  
  
"The hell I will! Do you know what I've gone through tonight trying to  
find you? I'm not letting you out of my sight."   
  
He picked up his coat and tried to place it around her shoulders again,   
but she fought against him, slapping his arms away. "No, don't you   
understand? I don't want to be warm. Not ever! I don't want to feel   
anything. I don't want to think. I don't want to..." She started gasping  
for breath, feeling that crushing weight of guilt on her chest again.   
"Don't want to remember." Her voice caught on a sob. "It's my fault,"   
she whispered, her eyes wide and haunted.  
  
Carter couldn't bear to see her in such agony. He wanted to hold her, and  
tell her everything would be all right. But he was afraid of how she would  
react. She obviously didn't want to be touched. Quietly, he said, "It's  
not your fault. You can't blame yourself for what happened to Brad."  
  
"My fault," she repeated, as if she hadn't heard him. "I killed them."  
  
Them? Maybe he hadn't heard correctly. "Who's 'them', Lucy? Who are you  
talking about?"  
  
"They're all dead because of me," she moaned, starting to weep openly.   
  
The sound tore at his heart. He couldn't just stand here, watching her  
fall apart. He approached her hesitantly and placed a light hand on her  
shoulder. He expected her to flinch away from him again but instead,  
she clutched at his sweater and buried her face against his chest.  
The force of her sobs racked her body and he rubbed her back, wishing  
he could somehow alleviate her pain.  
  
"It's not your fault," he said emphatically. "Do you hear me?"   
She continued to weep but then the sound ceased rather abruptly.  
Puzzled, he pulled back slightly to look down at her. "Luce?"   
Her weight against him shifted, and he had to quickly bring his arms  
beneath her to keep her from falling straight to the ground. Her head  
lolled back to reveal her tear-stained cheeks and closed eyes.   
She had passed out; whether from the stress or being ill, he didn't  
know.  
  
Carter scooped her up easily in his arms, and placed his coat on top of  
her as best he could. Moving as fast as he dared towards the stairs,  
he noticed that his heart was racing. Even though he had found Lucy,  
he was still afraid.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	8. Awakenings

PLEASE SEE CHAPTER 1 FOR DISCLAIMER, NOTES, ETC.  
  
ADDITIONAL NOTE: This series was written prior to the episode  
in Season 6, which revealed the name of Lucy's mother.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
"Help! I need some help here!" Carter called out urgently, as he moved  
quickly down the hallway with the precious cargo in his arms.  
  
Jerry raised his head at the sound of his voice and met up with Carter  
as he came striding towards him. "You found her!" he exclaimed,   
sounding relieved but still showing concern. "Is she hurt?"  
  
"I don't know." Carter's voice was strained, partially from worry,  
but also from the exertion of carrying Lucy for quite a distance.  
"Go get Kerry. Which trauma room's open?"  
  
"They all are," Jerry replied. "We're still slow in here. I'll find   
Dr. Weaver."  
  
"I'm right here," Kerry said, coming up from behind him. She managed   
to keep pace with Carter as he hurried down the corridor.  
"Lily, Chuny, give us a hand, please." The two nurses followed   
along, as Kerry continued to give orders over her shoulder.  
"Jerry, call security and let them know she's been found. Also get  
me Lucy's medical file so we can check for allergies."  
  
"Ok," Jerry affirmed, rushing back to the admit desk.   
  
"Hey Jerry. Any word on Lucy?"   
  
He turned at the sound of a familiar voice. "Dr. Greene, what are  
you doing here?" If his memory was correct, Mark's shift didn't start  
until 7 am.  
  
"Kerry called me a little while ago, and I thought I could help out  
in the search."   
  
"Carter found her. He just took her into Trauma 1."  
  
Although Mark had arrived looking a little weary, he now became alert.   
As he quickly headed for the trauma room, he could hear raised voices  
coming from inside. He pushed through the doors and saw Kerry   
grasping both of Carter's arms, as if she was trying to hold him back.  
As he took in the scene, he noted that Carter looked absolutely   
exhausted. Kerry had told him over the phone that Carter had come down  
on his own to search for Lucy, not even stopping to take a break.   
The poor guy looked almost as bad as Lucy did.  
  
"Let me help, Kerry," Carter was saying insistently.   
  
"You can help by telling me more about Lucy's condition. But you're  
in no shape to do an examination. Now, stand aside," she said firmly.  
  
"How is she doing?" Mark asked, finally making his presence known.  
Heads turned in his direction as he strode towards the gurney.  
  
"Mark, you got here quickly," Kerry commented. She let go of Carter  
and he remained where he was, frustrated that she wouldn't allow him  
to do more. "She's been out in the cold for as long as four hours.   
She's probably dehydrated. Let's get an IV of saline going."  
  
"BP's 140 over 90. Pulse 100. Good breath sounds," Chuny reported.  
  
"Temp's 102 point 5 degrees," Lily called out.  
  
"We need to bring it down. Do we know if she has any allergies?"   
Mark inquired.  
  
Jerry entered the room with Lucy's file in hand and he handed it to Kerry.  
  
She glanced over it quickly. "She's clear. Let's give her  
600 milligrams of acetaminophen, IV push, and put her on a mask  
as well."  
  
"Where did you find her, Carter?" Mark asked.  
  
Carter reluctantly tore his gaze away from Lucy to look at him.  
"On the roof. I think she's in shock. She was really out of it  
when I first found her, and she wasn't making any sense."  
  
"Can you be more specific?"  
  
"She blames herself for Brad's death. But then she said, 'I killed   
them. They're all dead because of me.' Something like that."  
  
Kerry gave him a worried look. "Any idea what she was talking about?"  
  
Carter hesitated. "At first, I thought she was just rambling from the  
shock. But now I think I may know what's going on." He didn't want to  
say anymore than that. "Should we call her mother?"  
  
Mark and Kerry exchanged glances, and Mark finally nodded. "Yeah, I  
think we should. I'll get Lucy admitted so we can keep an eye on her.  
Kerry, maybe you can call Mrs. Knight?"  
  
"Of course."   
  
Everyone exited the room except for Kerry and Carter. He stepped closer  
to Lucy's side, instinctively reaching out to smooth back her hair.   
Only then did he realize Kerry was watching him closely, and he awkwardly  
drew his hand back.  
  
"You care about her a lot," she said softly, coming to stand next to him.  
  
"She's a good friend," he mumbled, keeping his gaze on Lucy's pale face.  
The dark smudges under her eyes were much more noticeable now and she  
looked so vulnerable lying there.  
  
"She's lucky to have you for a friend. Not everyone would have gone  
searching for her the way that you did."  
  
Carter chose not to respond to that remark and Kerry let the matter  
drop. "I'd better get in touch with her mother and let her know what's  
happened. You look like hell, Carter. You need to get some rest   
before your shift starts. What time are you on this morning?"  
  
"Six."  
  
"Take an extra hour. You probably have your pick of exam rooms."  
  
Carter almost blurted out that he wanted to take Lucy upstairs to be   
admitted, but he decided against it. Kerry already seemed to sense  
how he felt about Lucy. He wasn't even sure when he had started caring  
so deeply about her, but he was too tired to try to analyze it right now.  
He only knew that he wanted to keep these newly discovered feelings to   
himself for a while.   
  
Mark came back into the room with Chuny. "Everything is set. We'll  
take her up to five." He looked at Carter pointedly. "You need to  
get some sleep. You look..."  
  
"I know," Carter interrupted, slightly amused in spite of himself.   
"I look like hell."  
  
"Well, yes. So that's an order."  
  
They went their separate ways. Kerry had to look in Lucy's file again  
to find her mother's phone number, Mark and Chuny wheeled Lucy's gurney  
towards the elevator, and Carter chose which exam room to nap in.  
  
He decided on Exam 6 for a couple of reasons. It was a fair distance  
away from the noise and bustle of the admitting area, and it held some  
fond memories for him. As he lay on the gurney in the dark, he smiled,   
remembering how he and Lucy had stolen a few kisses in here. It had  
meant more to him than he had admitted to her. It had happened two  
years ago, but he was still able to recall exactly how her lips had  
felt against his; soft, yielding, and...incredible.  
  
He closed his eyes, thinking his concern for Lucy wouldn't allow him to  
get much rest. But it only took a minute for him to drift off to sleep.  
  
**********  
  
The day dragged by for Carter. The slow morning in the ER stretched  
into an equally slow afternoon. Normally, he wouldn't be complaining.  
But today, he would have preferred being kept busy. He actually had a  
lot of paperwork to catch up on, but was finding it difficult to   
concentrate. He spent a lot of time checking in on Lucy's condition.  
She still had a slight fever but other than that, she seemed to be  
recovering. An IV kept her hydrated with fluids but the oxygen mask  
had been removed. She still hadn't regained consciousness, but that was  
probably her body's way of allowing her to rest.  
  
Kerry had contacted Lucy's mother in New York. Although she had  
explained that Lucy's condition wasn't serious, Victoria Knight had  
insisted that she wanted to be there. She told Kerry that she would  
be flying in later during the day.  
  
The pace picked up a bit late in the afternoon when several traumas  
came in at once. Carter was almost happy for the distraction. He also  
had to deal with a medical student that hadn't shown up for his shift.  
It turned out that he'd suddenly decided to drop out of med school.  
After sorting through that problem, he realized he was starving. He'd  
had a quick bite to eat at lunch, but that had been hours ago.  
  
Carter approached the admit desk to let Randi know he was heading to  
the cafeteria. He noticed a brown haired, attractive looking woman  
talking to the desk clerk, a suitcase placed at her feet. The woman  
turned to look at him as he came closer and he knew it must be  
Lucy's mom. They shared the same bright blue eyes.  
  
"Carter, this is Lucy's mother," Randi called out.  
  
He smiled and held out his hand. "Pleased to meet you, Mrs. Knight."  
  
She returned his smile, though a worried look clouded her expression.  
She shook his hand firmly. "It's so nice to meet you, Dr. Carter.  
My daughter has spoken of you. And please, call me Vicky."  
  
"All right, Vicky. If you'll call me John."  
  
"No one calls you John," Randi said without thinking. She lifted her  
shoulders slightly as Carter shot her a look.   
  
"Lucy's up on the fifth floor. Shall I take you up to see her?" he asked.  
  
"Yes, thank you. Is there somewhere I can leave my suitcase? I came  
straight from the airport."  
  
"Sure." He picked up the bag for her. "Let's go to the lounge."  
  
After placing her suitcase and coat in the lounge, they headed up to  
the fifth floor. Although Vicky had a dozen questions, she didn't  
ask them now. She wanted to see her daughter first.  
  
They entered the room and Carter drew the curtain around the bed for  
a little more privacy. Lucy was still asleep. He took a look at her  
chart, as Vicky sat down in the chair. A nurse had last checked her  
temperature twenty minutes ago and it was almost down to normal.  
  
Vicky took hold of Lucy's hand and glanced up at Carter. "How is  
she doing?"  
  
"A lot better. She was running a fever, but her temperature is almost  
normal now. The IV is helping to keep her hydrated. She's been  
sleeping all day, which is a good thing. She needs the rest."  
  
"What exactly happened? I spoke with Dr. Weaver on the phone, but she  
was pretty vague. She told me that Lucy had been upset about Brad,   
and that she and Tom had argued before she'd run off."  
  
"Tom?" Carter raised a questioning eyebrow.  
  
"Sorry, I mean Brad's father."  
  
He nodded. "Right. Uh..." He wasn't sure where he should start  
explaining things. "Lucy's been having a difficult time lately.   
The working hours alone are enough to wear anyone down. But the  
past week or so has been really hard on her."  
  
Carter went on to tell her about what had happened the night before.   
He didn't go into great detail, but basically told her how Lucy had  
kicked Brad out of her apartment, and of the subsequent conversation  
where she'd revealed how tired and overwhelmed she'd been feeling  
lately. And although he hadn't witnessed the scene himself, he  
briefly told her how Brad's father had blamed her for his son's death.  
As he said this, he could see the obvious anger in her face.   
  
"That, combined with everything else, was just too much for her,"  
he continued. "She ran out of here and it took hours to find her.   
I'm just glad I found her when I did. Her condition could have been  
a lot worse if she'd stayed out longer in the cold."  
  
"You found her? I didn't know that." She raised grateful eyes to his.  
"Thank you, John."  
  
"No need to thank me," he murmured. "Um, can I get you a coffee or   
anything? Something to eat, perhaps?"  
  
"No, I'm fine." She glanced at her watch. "How long are visiting hours?"  
  
He waved a hand. "Another hour or so. But don't worry about it.   
Stay as long as you'd like."  
  
"Thank you again. I suppose you need to get back to work."  
  
He was leaning on the railing at the end of the bed and now shifted  
his weight from one foot to the other. His stomach was going to start  
grumbling any second, but he would much rather stay here with Lucy.   
However, he couldn't think of a good enough excuse.  
  
He tapped the railing as he straightened up. "Yeah, I should get back  
to the ER. I'll check in on you later."  
  
Vicky gave him a small smile and returned her attention to her daughter.  
  
Carter pulled back the curtain and let it fall behind him as he walked  
towards the door. He noticed a man standing uncertainly, just inside  
of the room. "Can I help you?"  
  
"Yes, I was told Lucy Knight is in here."  
  
"And you are?"  
  
"Thomas Prescott."  
  
Carter visibly bristled, his eyes narrowing. "I'm sorry, she isn't  
allowed any visitors." Although he tried to remain professional, he knew  
his voice and manner were betraying him. He couldn't help it. This man  
was the main reason Lucy was hospitalized.  
  
"I see," Mr. Prescott said hesitantly. "I'll come back some other time."  
  
The curtain surrounding Lucy's bed was drawn back and Vicky marched  
towards the two men. "You've got some nerve coming here," she hissed  
quietly, from between clenched teeth.   
  
"Vicky!" His eyes widened in startled surprise.  
  
"I'm sorry about Brad. Truly, I am. But you had no right to accuse  
my daughter of anything."   
  
While her expression was a strange mixture of pity and outrage, the  
only emotion that registered on Mr. Prescott's face was bleak sadness.  
  
"You're right. Completely right. I know that now and I'm so sorry."  
  
He seemed to be at a loss and she found she couldn't remain angry   
for long. She still had her daughter. The man standing before   
her had lost his only son.  
  
"Ok, Tom. I accept your apology. I...I really am sorry about Brad.  
I don't know what I would do if Lucy..." Her voice trailed off.  
She couldn't even say it.  
  
"Mom?"  
  
Carter and Vicky both turned at the sound of a soft, somewhat croaky  
voice. Lucy was regarding them with eyes still heavy from sleep.  
She looked rather dazed, as if she didn't quite know what was going on.  
  
Vicky was at her side immediately, taking a seat in the chair once more.  
  
"Hi, honey. It's so good to see you awake. How do you feel?"  
  
"Tired," Lucy responded slowly. "And thirsty. Can I have some water?"  
  
Vicky glanced at Carter, who had walked around to the other side of  
the bed. He poured a small amount of water from a plastic pitcher that  
was kept on the bedside table. Inserting a straw into the cup, he held  
it steady for Lucy as she took several sips. She settled her head back  
onto the pillow once more and appeared to be a little more alert.  
  
"What happened? Am I sick?" She first looked towards Carter, and then  
at her mother.  
  
"You don't remember what happened?" Carter asked.  
  
"I remember sitting in Doc Magoos for a while." Her voice got stronger  
as she spoke. "After that, it's kind of fuzzy."  
  
"You went up to the roof. Does that sound familiar?"  
  
"No. Yes, I do remember a little of that." She raised her eyes to  
his face. "You were there."  
  
"Yeah, I was. If you're up to it, I want to give you a quick exam.  
Think you can sit up?"  
  
Lucy nodded and Carter adjusted the bed so it was inclined. It only  
took him a few minutes and he finished up by listening to her breathing.  
Satisfied, he slung his stethoscope back around his neck. "Any feelings  
of nausea or dizziness?" he asked.  
  
"No. I did feel sick before I ran out," she admitted. "But I feel   
fine now."   
  
"Everything seems ok, then. You can lie back down."  
  
"No, I'll stay like this. I get the feeling I've been lying down for  
a while now. How long have I been out of it?"  
  
"Oh, about 13 hours."  
  
"Really?" She turned to her mother. "When did you get here?"  
  
"Not very long ago," Vicky replied, relieved that her daughter didn't  
seem to be suffering any ill effects from her ordeal. "I came into  
your room just a few minutes ago."  
  
"I thought I heard your voice. I think that's what woke me up."  
She looked past her mother's shoulder, finally becoming aware of  
someone hovering nearby. "Mr. Prescott!"   
  
"Hi Lucy. I'm glad you seem to be doing well," he said, stepping  
a little closer.  
  
Lucy watched him warily, not sure of how to respond. She had been  
dreading facing him again and now, here he was. However, his manner  
didn't seem as threatening or angry as the last time she'd seen him.  
"I'm all right," she stated softly.  
  
"Listen, there's something that's been weighing on my mind all day  
and I need to get it out." He came to stand by the foot of the bed.  
"I want to apologize for what I said to you down in the ER. I was  
wrong. I had no right to blame you for what happened to Brad.  
His death was caused by his own foolishness. I want to make myself  
very clear, Lucy." His penetrating gaze connected with hers.   
"You are not to blame. I only hope that someday you can forgive me  
for the cruel things I said to you. That's, well, that's all I  
wanted to say."  
  
Lucy was silent for a moment, letting his words sink in. While a   
logical part of her had known she shouldn't blame herself for what  
had happened, she'd still felt guilty anyway. But now she was able   
to feel a small corner of her heart starting to heal. It was a start.  
  
"Do you really mean it?" she had to ask, hopeful, but still uncertain.  
  
"Yes, I do."   
  
"Thank you," she said simply.  
  
"Please, you don't have to thank me. I'm just glad that you're ok  
and that I had a chance to talk to you." He looked slightly  
uncomfortable now. "Well, I think I've intruded long enough.  
I'd better get going. Take care of yourself, Lucy."  
  
Vicky stood up. "I'll walk out with you," she said, wanting to  
talk with him before he left. She glanced down at Lucy. "I'll be  
back in a little bit."  
  
"Sure, Mom."  
  
As they left the room together, Carter pulled another chair to  
his side of the bed. He sat down, his eyes never straying from  
Lucy's face.  
  
She gave him a strange look. "Carter, you're staring at me."  
  
"Am I?" One corner of his mouth turned up in a crooked smile.  
"Sorry. I was just thinking..." He managed to cut himself off   
before he blurted out something he'd regret. He'd been thinking  
that despite her weariness and tired eyes, she still looked   
beautiful to him.   
  
"Thinking what?"  
  
"Nothing." He chose to change the subject and ask something that  
had been bothering him for a while. "How much do you remember  
about being on the roof?"  
  
Lucy glanced down at her lap and started fiddling with the edge   
of the sheet. "Not much at all. I think I was just blanked out."  
  
"But you remember me being there?"  
  
"Sort of. I remember crying, but not much else."  
  
"How about saying, 'I killed them. They're all dead because of me.'"  
  
Her fingers froze in midair. "I said that?"  
  
"Yeah, you did." He noticed that she seemed to be avoiding his eyes.  
"Who were you talking about?"  
  
"I don't know."  
  
He wasn't sure if he should be pushing the subject now, but he  
wanted to get it out in the open as soon as possible. He was hoping  
that Mr. Prescott's speech about Lucy not blaming herself would  
help to put her in the right frame of mind. He decided to plunge  
ahead. "Could it be Michael Travis? Or Sarah, the little girl  
you told me about? Or even Corinna?"  
  
It took a while, but she finally answered him. "Maybe. They, uh,  
have been on my mind lately."  
  
"I know. Luce, would you look at me?" He waited until her gaze  
settled on his. "Remember what Mr. Prescott said to you? That  
applies here too. You shouldn't be feeling guilty about what  
happened to your patients. I think you know that, deep down."  
  
"I do know that. I guess everything has just happened all at once  
over the past few days. I just...I've been finding it hard to cope."  
  
"I know you have. So tell me, honestly, do you believe these people  
are dead because of you?" He remained focused on her face, gauging  
her reaction carefully.  
  
She sighed. "No, I guess not. Not when you put it like that.   
I must have been really out of it when I said that."  
  
Carter felt like sighing too, but from relief. He'd been worried  
that she had really believed those remarks about killing her  
patients. But it appeared those words had slipped out when  
she hadn't been thinking rationally. He was reassured, but he  
still intended to keep a close eye on her for the next little while.  
  
"Luce, I hope you consider me to be a friend."  
  
"Well, of course I do." She was a little thrown off by the sudden  
change of topic. "Although, we haven't been very close lately,"  
she added, wondering where this was leading.  
  
"You're right, we haven't," he admitted.   
  
The past 24 hours had been rather strange, to put it mildly.  
He hadn't spent this much time with Lucy since she'd been his med  
student. But somehow over the course of this period, his feelings  
for her had been renewed; had deepened. If he was honest with himself,  
the feelings had never really disappeared. They'd always been present,  
just beneath the surface. But it had taken this crisis to reawaken  
them. Lucy had too much going on in her life right now. He didn't  
want to complicate things even more by declaring how he felt about her.  
Besides, she didn't return his feelings. She had just acknowledged  
that they weren't even close friends. But he continued on anyway.  
  
"Um, I just wanted you to know that we *are* friends, and you can  
talk to me about anything. Anything at all. I really mean that."  
  
"Thanks, Carter. I appreciate it," she said sincerely.  
  
His stomach made a loud rumbling noise. She laughed, while  
he smiled sheepishly. "I guess it's trying to tell me something.  
I'd better have some dinner."  
  
Lucy suddenly realized that she was famished. "When do you think  
I can eat something? I just realized how hungry I am."  
  
Carter smiled. "Well, that's a good sign. Let's see how you do  
with more water, then we'll try some clear soup. If you're ok,  
we'll take out that IV and get you some real food." He got to his  
feet and handed her another cup of water.  
  
"Oh, hi Mom."  
  
"Hi."  
  
Vicky had returned to the room, and Carter wondered how long she'd  
been standing there.  
  
"I'm going to grab a bite to eat," he told her. "I'll be back  
a little later."  
  
Vicky nodded. "I'll be here." She waited until he had left the  
room before turning back to her daughter. "So, how long has he  
been in love with you?"  
  
Lucy choked on the water she'd been drinking. She coughed, as her  
mother patted her on the back. "What are you talking about?"   
she managed to splutter.  
  
Vicky shrugged. "Well, I thought it was rather obvious, but I  
suppose I could be mistaken."  
  
"You're mistaken, Mom."  
  
"Ok, you're probably right. Sorry."  
  
Lucy didn't even hear what her mother said next. She had to be   
mistaken. They were barely even friends.  
  
She almost chuckled to herself. Carter in love with her...  
what a crazy thought.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	9. Life Goes On

PLEASE SEE CHAPTER 1 FOR DISCLAIMER, NOTES, ETC.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
After spending the night for observation in the hospital, Lucy was  
discharged the next day. Mark and Kerry gave her a few days off,  
even though she protested it wasn't necessary. She was also initially  
annoyed when Mark insisted she speak with a counsellor. She argued   
that she was feeling fine, but finally conceded that she wasn't being  
objective about the situation. If a patient had come to her with   
similar problems, she probably would have recommended counselling too.   
  
She spent most of the weekend with her mother. They caught up on  
everything that had been happening in their lives, promising to keep  
in close touch with each other. Growing up, Lucy had been proud of  
how strong and independent her mother was. She had vowed to grow up  
to be just like her. Now Lucy loved being on her own, but it was  
nice to be taken care of for a change. Even if it was just for the  
weekend.  
  
On Monday, the memorial service for Brad was held. The large church  
was packed with people. Lucy had no idea who the majority of them were.  
Her mother was more familiar with many of them, having done business  
with Thomas Prescott for several years. For the most part, Lucy remained  
by her mother's side, shaking hands and exchanging condolences. While she  
was sad, she no longer felt overwhelmed by guilt. A small sliver of it  
remained, but that would fade with time. At least, she hoped so.  
  
The day was cold and grey; rather fitting for this somber occasion.  
Coming directly from the church, they stood now at the grave site,  
gathered around the head stone. The minister was coming to his closing  
remarks and Lucy glanced at Mr. Prescott. His face was marred with grief  
but overall, he appeared composed and dignified.   
  
First his wife, now his son. Lucy swallowed hard, her vision blurring.  
Then suddenly it was over and people began to move about. She somehow  
lost her mother in the crowd and found herself backing out of everyone's  
way.   
  
"Hi." A quiet, familiar voice.  
  
She looked up, brushing at her eyes. "Hi."   
  
Carter passed her a handkerchief. He watched as her lips curved slightly  
upwards.   
  
"You're the only guy I know who carries one of these, Carter." She used  
the soft, white cloth to dab at her wet cheeks.  
  
"My grandfather always said a gentleman should never leave the house   
without one. Guess that rule kind of stuck." He gave a small smile  
and then grew serious. "So how are you holding up?"  
  
He had arrived just minutes earlier, scanning the sea of faces.  
He'd finally spotted her, looking rather forlorn and lost on the edge  
of the crowd.   
  
"I'm ok." She caught his probing glance, as if he wasn't quite convinced.  
"Really."  
  
"Are you eating? You look thinner."  
  
That made her chuckle. "I'm wearing two sweaters under this bulky coat  
and you think I look thinner? Come on, Carter. Besides, my mom has  
been taking good care of me. She even made homemade chicken soup."  
  
"How much longer is she staying?" He was glad that Lucy had been looked  
after this weekend. It had eased his worries to know that Vicky had been  
staying with her.  
  
"She's flying back this afternoon." She handed the handkerchief back to him.  
"Thanks."  
  
"Mark told me you've got a few days off." She grunted in response   
and her expressive face told him exactly what she thought of that.  
"It's not so bad." He almost smiled. "You should try to enjoy it."  
  
"Everyone is acting like I'm going to fall apart any second." She directed  
a level gaze at him. "You included."  
  
Carter shifted his feet uncomfortably. It was on the tip of his tongue to  
say he was concerned about her, but that's not what she needed to hear.  
"I don't think that," he finally stated, returning her direct look.   
"You've been through a lot, but I think you're handling things pretty well."  
  
Lucy searched his eyes but she wasn't sure if he really meant what he said.  
She decided to let the matter drop. Considering her behaviour, she couldn't  
blame people for questioning her mental state. She would have to prove  
that she was truly all right. "Listen, I never got a chance to really  
thank you for what you did the other night. Dr. Weaver told me how you  
spent the whole night searching for me."  
  
"I'm just glad I found you. Promise me you'll never do anything like  
that again." He regarded her solemnly, recalling how worried he'd been.  
It was a feeling of helplessness he didn't want to experience again.  
  
She nodded. "I promise."  
  
"Lucy, there you are." Vicky approached them and came to stand by  
her daughter, placing an arm around her shoulders. "Sorry I lost you  
for a minute."  
  
"It's ok. Carter was keeping me company."  
  
Vicky exchanged greetings with him and they chatted for a brief while.  
  
"It was good of you to come, John. Some of us are getting together for  
lunch. Would you like to join us?" she asked.  
  
"I'm afraid I can't. I should be heading over to the hospital." He had  
actually been running late when leaving the apartment, and had almost  
changed his mind about stopping by here. But he'd heard about where the  
service was being held and had wanted to see Lucy. Even though they  
lived across the hall from each other, the last time he'd seen her was  
just before she'd been discharged from County. It was silly but in that  
short span they'd been apart, he'd missed her.  
  
"Well then, I guess it's goodbye. I'm heading back to New York   
this afternoon," Vicky stated. She impulsively gave him a hug, not caring  
that her daughter was probably embarrassed by her actions. As she  
pulled back, she could see by the look on his face that she'd taken him  
by surprise. "Thank you again for all you've done."  
  
"You're welcome," he murmured, ducking his head in a rather boyishly  
charming way. "I'd better get going. Take care, Vicky." He took a few  
steps back and his gaze slid to Lucy's. "See you later."  
  
"Bye Carter." As he walked away, he was almost out of hearing range  
when she called after him. "Tell Dr. Weaver and Dr. Greene I'm coming  
in to work first thing on Wednesday!" He briefly turned his head and  
gave a wave to indicate he'd heard her.  
  
"What was that about?" Vicky inquired, giving her daughter a curious glance.  
  
"Oh, nothing."  
  
"Nice of him to stop by."  
  
Lucy had to agree with that. "Yeah, it was." She'd been surprised to  
suddenly find him standing before her. She hadn't given it much thought  
at the time, but it did seem a bit odd. He really hadn't known Brad,  
so why would he have come here?   
  
"He must have wanted to see how you're doing."  
  
Leave it to her mother to answer a question she hadn't even spoken aloud.  
Lucy mulled over that possibility. Could that really be the reason?  
  
Oh, what did it matter anyway. She had stopped trying to figure out  
Carter's motivation for doing things long ago, starting with the  
Exam 6 fiasco. She had been hurt by his rejection then. And while  
he had hid behind the excuse of teacher/student conflict, she had spent  
countless hours wondering what the real reason had been for his quick  
dismissal of her.  
  
The last thing she needed in her life was more complications. If Carter  
was being unusually attentive towards her lately, it was only out of concern.  
Certainly he was a friend but that's where the line was drawn. He had  
drawn it himself two years ago and she had reluctantly accepted it.  
Now she had grown comfortable with the way things were. In fact, she *liked*  
the way things were between them. She had almost forgotten what a good  
listener he was; how gentle and kind he could be. Over the last two years  
they had grown apart, each busy with their own lives. She didn't realize  
how much she had missed their rooftop chats or sharing a drink in the lounge,  
discussing the day's events.   
  
In the last week or so, something had changed and they were talking like  
old friends again. It was...well, nice, for want of a better word.  
A truly good friend was a rare find and something she could appreciate.  
  
"Ready to go?"  
  
Lucy was startled out of her thoughts and looked at her mother.   
"Yes, I'm ready." She glanced around and saw that everyone else had  
moved on.  
  
Once again, Vicky put an arm around her shoulder and they slowly made  
their way across the cemetery. It was eerily quiet, as if the world had  
come to a sudden standstill. Then the unnatural silence was broken by  
the sound of children's laughter from a nearby school as they burst  
through the doors for lunch. And life went on.  
  
***************  
  
After seeing her mother off at the airport, Lucy spent some quiet time  
by herself. She took a long, leisurely bath in the evening and even  
lit some candles that she'd been saving. Exactly what she had been saving  
them for, she didn't know. She usually received them as gifts from  
friends and always thought it was a shame to burn them. She now realized  
how silly that was. Why not enjoy them?   
  
The warm bath made her sleepy and she decided to go to bed early. It had  
been a long day but surprisingly, not unpleasant. It had been sad, yes.  
Sad for her personally and sadder still for Brad's family. But she was  
hopeful that she could now put the past behind her. She wanted to make  
a fresh start. Since beginning her ER sub-I, she had found herself losing  
perspective about the work, only focusing on the negative aspects.  
She couldn't let that happen again.   
  
The next morning she woke up fairly early. She snuggled under the covers,  
a little reluctant to leave the warmth of the bed. With a sigh, she got up  
and quickly put on a robe. After her usual morning routine, she went into  
the kitchen and remembered she hadn't thrown out yesterday's garbage.  
  
Rubbing at her eyes, she opened the door. The door across the hall opened  
a second later and Carter appeared with a basket full of laundry.  
They stared wordlessly at each other for a moment. Lucy started to say  
good morning, when she saw something small and black run between   
Carter's feet.   
  
"Oh, damn!" he exclaimed, dropping the basket to the floor. "Catch her!"  
  
Lucy hadn't been fully awake when she had first seen the animal, and it  
finally registered in her brain that the black furball was a kitten.  
Before she could even move, the kitten shot past her feet into her  
apartment. Lucy chased after her around the couch, into the kitchen,  
and back into the living room. Carter came inside and closed the door,  
effectively cutting off the hallway as an escape route. He crouched  
down near the floor and tried to head her off. The kitten would have  
none of it and made a beeline for the bedroom.   
  
Lucy stopped her pursuit. "We're probably scaring the poor thing,"  
she said, slightly out of breath. "I didn't know you have a cat."  
  
"I just got her. Found her on Kerry's doorstep last week." He stood  
up and explained the story. No one had come forward to claim her,  
so he had gone to Jerry's the night before and brought the kitten home.  
In the short time she had spent at Jerry's place, he had trained her to  
use the litter box. Carter was grateful for that.  
  
"Hmm, I don't picture Jerry as a cat person," Lucy said.  
  
"Oh no?" Carter raised an eyebrow. "A dog person, then?"  
  
"Yeah, definitely a dog. A big, friendly St. Bernard."  
  
He had to laugh at the image. "Sorry about this, Luce. I didn't mean  
to disrupt your morning." It was obvious she had just gotten out of bed.  
Her hair was still mussed and she looked rather rumpled. His eyes lit up  
with amusement as he took in her pink slippers. He bit the inside of  
his lip to hold back a comment but couldn't hide his smile. Fortunately,  
Lucy assumed he was still thinking about Jerry and his non-existent dog.  
  
"So what's her name?" she asked, heading to the bedroom.  
  
"Millie." He followed close behind.  
  
"Millie? That's cute." Lucy surveyed the room and wondered when it had  
become such a mess. It needed cleaning badly. She was mildly embarrassed  
with Carter here, but wasn't about to apologize for it. She would bet  
anything that his apartment was neat as a pin.  
  
"Yeah, I named her after my grandmother." He smirked slightly, trying  
to picture how Gamma would react to this news. He didn't think she'd  
be too impressed. He had thought of the name on a whim, but now it seemed  
to suit the kitten.   
  
Lucy had left the closet door open and she checked in there first.   
No cat. Then she got down on her hands and knees to look under the bed.  
Bingo. "Here kitty," she said softly, in what she hoped was her most  
enticing voice. The kitten simply stared back at her, green eyes glowing.  
She sighed. "This isn't working."  
  
She got to her feet and Carter shrugged his shoulders. "She'll come out  
eventually. So what are your plans for the day?"  
  
"I haven't thought about it yet. Perhaps a nice, relaxing day of doing  
nothing."  
  
He smiled. "Nothing is good. Everyone at work misses you."  
  
She twirled one finger through her hair. A nervous habit. "Are people,  
uh, talking about me?"  
  
He pretended not to know what she meant. "Talking about you?"  
  
"You know...because of what happened with Brad." She knew what a hotbed  
of gossip the ER could be. And admittedly, she was sometimes guilty of  
chattering about other people's business herself. She couldn't blame  
them for talking.  
  
"There was some talk," he said honestly. "But for the most part,  
it was because people were concerned about you." That was mostly true.   
There had been some mean-spirited remarks and rumours as well,  
but they'd been quickly quashed by Kerry and himself.  
  
Carter's eye caught some movement and he looked down. "Don't move,"  
he cautioned.  
  
Lucy stiffened. "Why?"  
  
He nodded his head towards the floor and she glanced at her feet.   
Millie had ventured out from under the bed and was sniffing at her  
slippers. She then rubbed her head against the thick, pink fluff  
and proceeded to lie on top of one foot, purring all the while.  
  
Carter couldn't hold in his laugh. "At least one of us likes them."  
  
"Hey, enough with the cracks about my slippers," she said with mock  
annoyance. Bending down, she scooped up the kitten and held her  
in one arm.  
  
"I should get going," Carter said finally. "I've got tons of stuff  
to do before my shift."  
  
"Afternoon shift again?"  
  
"Yeah. I hope Millie will be ok."   
  
"I'm sure she'll be fine. Jerry must have left her alone when he worked,"  
Lucy reasoned. She rubbed the kitten behind one ear, enjoying the rumbling,  
contended sound of purring.  
  
"I guess she will be. I'm worrying for nothing."   
  
"I could look after her today," she offered. "I was planning on staying  
in all day anyway."  
  
"Would you? That would be great, Luce. Here, I'll give you my spare key."  
He kept one in his wallet and he reached into his back pocket.  
  
"You sure you trust me?"  
  
"Absolutely." He paused and gave her an inquisitive look. "Shouldn't I?"  
  
"Absolutely," she echoed, grinning.  
  
They went back to his apartment. Carter noted that no one had bothered  
to steal the basket of dirty laundry he'd dropped in the hallway.  
  
He apologized about the place being so messy. He still hadn't managed  
to unpack everything yet. But at least he had found the time to buy a   
couch and coffee table yesterday.  
  
Lucy took in her surroundings with curiosity but there really wasn't  
much to see yet. No photographs or knick knacks that would reveal  
anything about Carter. Those kinds of things must still be packed away.  
But she couldn't believe he considered this to be a mess. Her apartment  
came close to looking this good after a day of cleaning, but then it  
didn't take long to revert back to its naturally messy state.  
  
Carter told Lucy that he would be leaving around 11:30 to go into work.  
He thanked her again for doing this. He knew Millie would have to get  
used to being on her own. But he felt it would be nice to have someone  
around on the first full day in her new home.  
  
Lucy let Carter get on with his busy day and she went back to her place.  
Although she had planned on doing nothing for the day, seeing his  
apartment had made her feel guilty about neglecting her domestic duties.  
She got to work and before she knew it, Carter was knocking on her door  
to let her know he was leaving.  
  
After a frenzy of dusting, scrubbing, and vacuuming, she felt oddly  
refreshed. It had felt good to release some pent up energy. Deciding to  
look in on the cat, she headed across the hall. Opening and closing the  
door quickly to prevent another escape, she was greeted by a meow.  
  
"Well Millie, guess it's just you and me."   
  
Millie only blinked in response.  
  
***************   
  
It was well past 1 a.m. when Carter returned home. He fumbled with  
the lamp switch and after a moment, the room was lit with a soft glow.   
Tossing his bag near the door, he removed his boots and coat. Man, he was  
exhausted. The afternoon had been pretty uneventful but then they had been  
inundated with multiple traumas after the dinner hour. He hadn't had a  
chance to sit down after seven o'clock.  
  
Looking forward to getting into bed, he stopped short as he approached  
the couch. It seemed he had a visitor.  
  
Lucy was curled up on her side, her mouth slightly parted and her breathing  
slow and even. Millie was also sleeping soundly, almost on top of   
Lucy's head. She had obviously found a comfortable spot.  
  
Chuckling softly to himself, Carter went to his bedroom to get an extra   
comforter that he had actually unpacked and put away in his closet.  
He briefly considered waking her, but she seemed to be sleeping deeply.  
He thought it best to let her rest. Hopefully she would be warm enough  
with the comforter.  
  
Covering her up gently, he resisted the urge to drop a kiss on her   
upturned cheek. Exactly when or how this girl had crept into his heart,  
he didn't know. But he did know that he now couldn't imagine his life  
without her.   
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	10. Win Some, Lose Some

PLEASE SEE CHAPTER 1 FOR DISCLAIMER, NOTES, ETC.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Lucy manoeuvred her way carefully down the steps, fully aware that there  
was an impatient crowd of El travellers right behind her. Although the  
stairs had been salted, there were still patchy spots of ice that made  
the descent tricky.  
  
Someone bumped into her shoulder and her right foot slipped out from  
under her. In that split second of teetering on the edge of the stair,  
she had a vision of tumbling head first down the steep flight.  
  
A strong pair of arms caught her around the waist and pulled her in  
close to safety.  
  
"You okay?" Carter asked.  
  
"Yeah," she managed to gasp, her heart still thudding rapidly with  
the rush of adrenaline.  
  
Carter swung his head around to stare at the man behind her.  
"Hey, watch it, pal. You almost made her fall."  
  
"Sorry," the man said cooly, not sounding the least bit remorseful.  
"Mind if I get past you?"  
  
Lucy stepped in front of Carter and grabbed the handrail. She continued  
down the stairs as the more adventurous types hurried past them.  
Glad to reach solid ground at last, she smiled up at Carter as he  
joined her on the sidewalk.  
  
"Thanks for catching me. Falling down the stairs wouldn't have been  
a good start to my first day back."  
  
"No, definitely not."  
  
As they walked towards County, Lucy felt very conscious of Carter's  
presence by her side. It wasn't uncomfortable but it felt odd.  
Perhaps it was an extension of how she'd felt earlier this morning  
when waking up in his apartment. She'd been disoriented at first  
and hadn't even known where she was. Then she'd realized that she  
had slept on his couch all night.   
  
Carter had maintained that it wasn't a big deal and he'd insisted  
on making coffee. Not having any dining furniture yet, they'd sat  
on the couch for a while, chatting and munching on toast. Between the  
two of them they had managed to finish a whole pot of coffee before  
realizing they were running late.  
  
So having had breakfast together, they were now entering work together.  
Lucy smiled to herself. If one didn't know better, that could easily  
be taken the wrong way.  
  
As they approached the emergency entrance they could hear a siren blaring  
in the near distance. With a knowing glance at each other, neither was  
surprised when an ambulance appeared around the corner and sped towards  
the double doors.  
  
"Ready to start your day?" Carter asked.  
  
She could see the glow in his eyes; the way his body was coiled and  
waiting to spring into action.   
  
"Ready as I'll ever be," she answered.  
  
They broke into a run to meet the paramedics.  
  
***************  
  
The day went by in a blur for Lucy. It wasn't overly hectic but everyone  
was kept busy by a steady stream of patients. She'd been prepared to  
answer a lot of questions about what had happened with Brad but none  
were asked. That surprised her a little. Some of the staff weren't  
exactly known for their tact. The seeming lack of curiosity proved how  
preoccupied they were with work or perhaps it was just old news.  
Whatever the reason, she was glad for it.   
  
A quick glance at the clock told her she only had an hour left until the  
end of her shift. She could hardly believe it. The time had really flown  
by today.   
  
Seeing Lily come out of a room with a tray of samples, Lucy caught up  
to her. "If you're going up to the lab, can I add this?" She held up  
the plastic container filled with the usual yellow fluid.  
  
"Sure, no problem."  
  
"Thanks Lily."  
  
She turned to head back towards the admit desk when she noticed Dr. Weaver  
approaching her. "Hi Lucy."  
  
"Hi. You look cold."  
  
Kerry had obviously just arrived. She was still bundled in her coat,  
her nose and cheeks slightly red from the wind and chilly air. "I'll warm  
up soon. Do you have a minute?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Let's go to the lounge then." They were only a few steps away from the  
room and Kerry entered first. She'd been hoping that no one would be inside  
and she wasn't disappointed. "How has your day been?"  
  
"Pretty good. It's been busy but it feels good to be back," Lucy replied.   
  
Kerry stood in front of her locker, removing her hat and coat.  
"Well, I'm happy to hear that." She searched Lucy's face for a moment,  
wondering if she was being entirely truthful.  
  
"It's kind of strange though. I've only been away for a few days but it  
seems like such a long time."  
  
"Yes, that can happen." Kerry quickly finished putting away her things  
and shut the locker door. She turned to face Lucy directly before  
speaking again. "I wanted to ask if you've made an appointment to see  
a counsellor yet."  
  
Lucy's brow creased and her expression grew troubled. "No, I forgot."  
  
"You need to talk to someone," Kerry said softly, the concern evident in  
her voice.  
  
"I know. I will. I honestly just forgot."  
  
"You'll do it today, then?"  
  
"Yes."   
  
"Good. I know I have quite the reputation around here but I'm actually  
a good listener. I hope you know you can come and talk to me about anything."  
  
Lucy smiled, nodding. "Thanks Dr. Weaver. You've always been wonderful  
to me."  
  
"There's something I've been meaning to tell you for a while now."  
Kerry paused while she considered her words. She usually voiced her  
opinions without giving much thought as to the manner in which she  
spoke but for some reason, she'd developed a bit of a soft spot   
for this young woman. She didn't want any hurt feelings so she tried  
to choose her words carefully. "I was a little concerned when you were  
first accepted for the ER sub-internship. Please don't misunderstand me.  
You're a fine doctor and I've been especially impressed by your excellent  
bedside manner with the patients. But I wasn't certain if you were  
suited for handling ER trauma." She paused again to regard Lucy's  
expression. She found a pair of blue eyes looking back at her calmly  
with no apparent signs of distress in response to her speech. And so  
she continued on. "However, I'm glad to say that I have no more doubts.  
You've become a real asset to this department, Lucy. I just wanted to  
let you know that."  
  
"Well, thank you for saying that."   
  
Lucy valued Dr. Weaver's opinion and knew she wasn't one to give  
idle praise. If she was living up to Dr. Weaver's standards, she must  
be doing pretty well. That reassurance meant even more to her now when  
she'd been doubting herself. Not doubting her skills, but doubting  
whether she truly belonged here.   
  
Today had been a sort of test for herself. During her time off work,  
she'd wondered how she would react upon returning to the ER. She'd been  
worried that she'd lost her edge; that she wouldn't be able to handle  
the pressure. But that hadn't happened. In fact, with Carter at  
her side, they'd saved the lives of two trauma patients today.  
And that is what made everything worthwhile.  
  
The lounge door swung open and Carter stuck his head inside, his gaze  
flickering between the two women. "We could use you out here.  
Incoming multi-vehicle MVA. Five victims are on their way in  
a couple of minutes." He hesitated, one foot inside the doorway.  
"Is everything ok?"  
  
"Fine, Carter," Kerry replied. "We're just chatting."  
  
Before she could say anymore, the sound of raised voices and pounding  
feet indicated that the MVA victims had arrived earlier than expected.  
The three of them rushed out into the hallway.  
  
***************  
  
"Time of death, 19:32," Lucy said softly, the monotone sound of the  
heart monitor ringing in her ears. She switched it off with a final click,  
meeting Carter's eyes over the dead body. It really had been a hopeless  
case from the start. The fifteen year-old boy hadn't been wearing a  
seatbelt and he'd arrived here with blown pupils, no heart sounds,  
a C5 neck fracture and a fractured skull. They'd tried to revive him  
for thirty-six minutes before Lucy decided to call it.  
  
Lily walked in from the next trauma room, her expression grim.  
  
"How's the father?" Carter asked.  
  
Lily just shook her head, her silence speaking volumes. She left the  
room to retrieve two death kits.  
  
Lucy exhaled slowly. "That's so sad."  
  
"Yeah. But you fought hard, Luce. For a while there, I thought we  
might get him back." There had been a momentary flickering of life  
on the monitor but then it had vanished just as quickly.  
  
"I thought so too." Lucy ripped off her gloves with a quick,  
jerky motion. Hastily disposing her goggles and blood-stained gown  
into the waste bin, she exited into the hallway. A little concerned,  
Carter quickly tossed away his own protective gear and followed after her.  
  
He found her standing against the wall just outside the door, her eyes  
closed and her head tilted back. Although he would never admit it  
to her, he'd been closely watching over her the whole day, making sure  
she didn't push herself too hard. She seemed to have been coping well  
and this was the first time he thought she looked fatigued.  
  
"Are you all right?"  
  
It took several seconds for her to respond and she finally opened  
her eyes. He could read the transparent emotion in them and realized  
she wasn't as fragile as he'd feared.   
  
"I'm fine," she stated shortly. "Just angry, I suppose. He would  
probably be alive if he'd worn his seatbelt. Or if his father hadn't  
been speeding." She shook her head. "Such a waste. I guess we can't  
save them all."  
  
"No. But today wasn't a total loss. We managed to save a couple  
of lives," he reminded her. Earlier in the day they'd worked together  
to stabilize another MVA patient and the victim of a stabbing.  
  
"Yes we did, didn't we. We make a good team." With a brief hint  
of a smile, she seemed to snap out of her reflective state.  
"Well, I'll see you later, Carter. There's something I have to do."  
  
"Ok. You want to grab some dinner on the way home?"  
  
"First breakfast, now dinner. What will people think?" Lucy teased.  
  
"It's just a meal," he retorted, feeling his cheeks grow warm.  
  
"I know. Can I take a raincheck?"  
  
"Sure." He watched her head towards the elevators, a little disappointed.  
  
"How's the new apartment?"  
  
He jumped, turning to find Kerry standing a foot away, smiling up at  
him serenely. "Geez, Kerry! You scared me."  
  
"Sorry. People usually hear me coming with this thing." She lifted  
her cane up slightly. "You must have been lost in thought."  
  
"I guess so." Kerry was too sharp for her own good and Carter wondered  
what she was thinking. Better to switch to a safer subject.  
"The apartment is great. It's nice to have my own space. Not that I  
didn't enjoy staying with you," he hastily added. "But you know what I mean."  
  
"I know." She had always valued her independence and preferred to  
live alone. She'd only started to take in boarders for financial reasons.  
When Carter had shown up at her door, she'd never imagined that they'd  
become close friends. She found it rather lonesome now to return to  
an empty house, but she supposed she would soon get used to it again.  
"So how was Lucy's first day back?"  
  
"She seemed fine. She handled herself well during the traumas."  
  
"And are you speaking as her friend or as Chief Resident?"  
  
Carter frowned as he gazed down at her. "Why do you ask that?"  
  
"I'm wondering how objective you're being. I asked Lucy about her day  
and she said it went well, but I don't know if I can take her word for it.  
That's why I'm asking you but I realize how close you two have become lately."  
  
"I'm not lying to you Kerry, if that's what you're implying."   
  
He couldn't quite keep the edge out of his voice and Kerry knew she had  
touched a nerve. "I'm not implying that at all," she said smoothly.  
"If you say she seemed fine, then I believe you."  
  
"Good, because it's the truth. Excuse me, I've got more work to do."  
With those parting words he strode down the hall.  
  
Kerry knew that he was annoyed with her but that couldn't be helped.  
It was obvious to her how he felt about Lucy. She wasn't as sure about  
Lucy's feelings but her instincts told her it wouldn't be long before  
the two of them got together. And her instincts were rarely wrong.  
  
For the most part, she'd be happy to see them together. But her  
professional side worried that it would be a conflict of interest for  
the Chief Resident to be seeing a first-year resident. Then again,  
when she'd become head of the ER, her instincts had screamed to kick  
Carter out of her basement. In the end, she'd decided she couldn't  
bear to do that and he had stayed. Thankfully, no harm had resulted  
from that decision.  
  
Perhaps she should leave her nose out of this one and let nature take  
its course. That would be the best thing to do. Carter had stalked  
away before she'd had the chance to tell him to keep an eye on Lucy  
and make sure she was okay. But she got the feeling he was already  
doing that.  
  
***************  
  
The next few weeks were busy and tiring but overall, Lucy felt better  
than she had in a long while. She quickly dove back into the   
gruelling hours that all interns had to endure. But somehow, she found  
herself coping with it a lot better now than she had in the past.  
  
Talking with the counsellor helped. They decided on weekly appointments  
on a short-term basis. At this point, neither of them felt she would  
need counselling for an extended period. He had brought up an interesting  
point in their second session. He'd commented that she tended to isolate  
herself when she got overwhelmed and stressed out. His suggestion was  
to get more support from family and friends.   
  
Her mother had begun calling her more frequently, so that was comforting.  
As for other family, none of them lived in Chicago. That left her friends  
and she really had been neglecting them lately. It had been easier to  
lean on friends when she'd lived in the dorms. But since moving into  
her own place, she'd only seen them on rare occasions. They'd stopped  
calling to invite her out because her answer always seemed to be   
'Sorry, I'm busy' or 'No, I'm too tired'. They'd been surprised and  
delighted when she'd gone out for drinks with them last week, and she'd   
promised to stay in closer contact with them.  
  
The one person in her life that seemed to be providing the most support  
lately was Carter. They seemed to be working a lot of the same shifts  
so they would take the El in to work and come home together. She got  
the distinct feeling that he was watching over her but she didn't mind.  
It made her feel safe and cared for. That was something she hadn't  
felt in a long time, even with Brad.  
  
Today was Thanksgiving and wouldn't you know it, she and Carter were  
both working the graveyard. Stomping her feet to rid her boots of  
excess snow, she walked into the warmth of the ER. Without even   
looking around, she could tell that it was a slow evening. There wasn't  
any electricity in the air; no hum of tension that seemed almost  
palpable during a busy day filled with traumas.  
  
She greeted Jerry at the admit desk. "Slow day, huh?"  
  
He grinned at her. "I'm not complaining. Where's Carter?"  
  
She hoped the redness in her cheeks could be dismissed as being caused  
by the frigid air outside. "He stopped by his grandparents' house.  
They're having some big Thanksgiving dinner that he'll unfortunately  
be missing." He'd told his grandmother several days ago that he  
would be working the night shift tonight. She'd given him so much  
flak over missing dinner that he'd promised to at least stop by on his  
way to work to say hello. "Are you just coming on, Jerry?"  
  
"Nope. Just getting off. I didn't eat a thing all day so I'd have  
lots of room for dinner."  
  
Lucy chuckled. "Going to mom's?"  
  
"Yup. Turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes." He almost smacked his lips,  
already envisioning the feast that awaited him. "Man, I'm making  
myself hungry."  
  
"Don't forget to leave room for dessert."  
  
"No way. She makes the best apple pie. Oh, there's a woman in chairs  
waiting to see you."  
  
"Anyone I know?"  
  
"I don't know. Mrs. Anderson."  
  
She searched her memory but the name didn't sound familiar.   
"Okay, thanks. Happy Thanksgiving, Jerry."  
  
"Yeah, you too."  
  
She scanned the waiting area as she walked towards it. Only three  
people were present; an elderly man, a middle-aged woman, and a young girl.  
  
"Mrs. Anderson?" she called out, approaching the woman and the girl that  
was quietly seated beside her.  
  
"Yes," the woman replied, turning her head.   
  
"I'm Dr. Knight. You wanted to see me?"  
  
The woman stood, her face breaking out into a wide smile. "Yes, I did.  
You don't remember me, do you." It was more of a statement than a  
question.  
  
Lucy slowly shook her head. "I'm sorry. I don't." But there did seem  
something vaguely familiar about her.  
  
"Perhaps you'll remember my daughter, then." She coaxed the girl out  
of the chair to stand beside her. "Say hello, Corinna."  
  
"Hi," the girl said shyly, her voice soft.  
  
Lucy looked down at her for the first time. Although her features had  
matured a little and she'd grown taller, she instantly recognized  
the girl. "Corinna," she marvelled, her voice coming out in a  
low gasp. She stared down at the sweet, freckled face that had  
haunted her for some time.  
  
"My name was still Nelson back then but I've remarried now," Mrs. Anderson  
explained. "We're just visiting in Chicago so she can see her father."  
  
"The last time I saw you, you were taking Corinna back home to Cleveland.  
She was in a coma."  
  
"That's right," Mrs. Anderson affirmed. "It was touch and go for a while."  
As she spoke, she smoothed the girl's hair back. "It took three weeks for  
her to come out of the coma. And then it was a long, difficult road  
to recovery. But here we are."  
  
"Here you are," Lucy echoed. She found herself at a strange loss for words.  
She felt so much joy at seeing Corinna alive and well, and yet she couldn't  
express it.  
  
"Well, I...we just wanted to come by and thank you in person. I asked for  
Dr. Carter too but he's not in."  
  
"No, he should be here shortly."  
  
"If it weren't for the two of you, we would have lost her." Her expression  
grew more serious as she gazed at Lucy solemnly. "Thank you for everything  
that you did." She then shared a look with her daughter and urged her  
forward with gentle hands. "Corinna has something to tell you too."  
  
Lucy bent down to Corinna's level as the girl stepped forward, hesitantly at  
first, her eyes focused on Lucy's face. Encouraged by the kindness she  
saw there, she gave Lucy a hug and kissed her cheek. "Thank you for  
saving me," she whispered.  
  
Lucy felt tears gathering in her eyes as she hugged the girl back.  
"You're welcome," she managed to say, her words sounding choked.  
  
After saying goodbye and watching them leave, Lucy sat down heavily.  
The man they had been sharing the area with had been led into an  
exam room, so she was alone now. She felt free to give in to her tears.  
  
"Luce, what's wrong?"  
  
She sniffled, finding Carter hovering over her with a worried look.  
Without thinking, she got up and flew into his arms.  
  
He rocked back slightly from the force of it and wrapped his arms  
around her. After walking into the ER just moments ago, the first  
thing he'd seen was Lucy sitting forlornly in chairs, softly crying.  
He had no idea what had happened and was growing more concerned.   
  
"What's wrong?" he repeated, stroking her back. She said something,  
but her face was buried in the front of his coat. "What?"  
  
She lifted her face up to his. "Nothing's wrong. I'm happy." Her eyes  
still shone with tears but something else emanated from them as well;   
an inner radiance that lit up her whole face. Feeling ready to burst  
with happiness, she almost laughed at the confusion she read in his eyes.  
His face was just inches away and she pressed her lips against his.  
Instantly she pulled back, wondering what on earth had made her do that.  
"Corinna's alive," she blurted out.  
  
His mind still reeling from the kiss, he found he couldn't think.  
What had just happened here? Breaking away from his embrace, Lucy explained  
how she had just been talking with Corinna and her mother. Her excitement  
was evident in every word and gesture, and he smiled as she finished  
the story. "That's great. So many times the patients leave here and  
we never know what happened to them. It's nice to know we did some good  
that day."  
  
"That's one fight that we won." Lucy paused, feeling some of her elation  
give way to embarrassment. "Sorry about attacking you like that.  
I didn't hurt you, did I?" she joked lamely.  
  
He laughed softly. "No. And don't be sorry. I'm just glad to see you  
happy again."  
  
Lucy didn't know what to say about the impulsive kiss, so she decided  
not to comment on it at all. Instead, she asked about his visit to  
his grandparents' house.  
  
He grimaced and asked if they could talk about something else.  
  
"How about dinner later at Doc's?" she suggested. "I hear they have  
a real turkey dinner with all the trimmings."  
  
"You're on."  
  
"Hey, can someone help me!" called a frantic voice from the doorway.  
  
Carter and Lucy looked at each other with a mutual sigh.   
  
"Shall we, Dr. Carter?"  
  
He gestured for her to lead the way. "After you, Dr. Knight."  
  
Although it was nothing more than a figment of his imagination, he still  
felt the warmth of the kiss upon his lips.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	11. The End Of The Road

PLEASE SEE CHAPTER 1 FOR DISCLAIMER, NOTES, ETC.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Carter found himself humming as he walked down the hallway. He tried  
to keep one eye on his patient's chart and the other on various  
obstacles in his path. Deciding he could finalize this chart with  
his signature, he stopped and held it against the wall, shaking the   
pen a couple of times.  
  
"You're wrong, you know," stated a wry voice to his left.   
  
Without taking his eyes off the paper, he smiled and scribbled his name.  
"Dare I ask what you're talking about?"  
  
"That song you were humming. 'It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas'.  
Wrong. Where's the snow?"  
  
The past week had been unseasonably mild and all of the snow and ice  
in the city had disappeared. It certainly made traveling conditions  
easier but it didn't fit the holiday mood. With three more days to go  
until the twenty-fifth, there was only a slight possibility of snow  
on Christmas Eve. Everyone was predicting a green Christmas.  
  
"So I should be singing 'Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow' instead?"  
Carter inquired, clicking the pen and returning it to his lab coat pocket.  
  
Lucy wrinkled her nose. "No. Don't sing. Please."  
  
"I'll have you know, I'm an exceptionally fine singer," he deadpanned.  
  
She snickered at that, her eyes bright with mischief. "Mr. Stein doesn't  
think so. Remember the other day when he was fixing your door? We could  
both hear you singing in the shower, all the way down the hall."  
  
"Really?" he muttered, rather mortified at the thought. "All the  
way down..." His voice faded out as he regarded her pursed lips, as if  
she was trying to contain her laughter. "All right, you got me."  
  
"The look on your face," she managed to say between giggles. "That was  
priceless."  
  
The sound of someone clearing their throat caught their attention.  
Carter's eyes widened slightly as he looked towards the source.  
"Gamma," he exclaimed.  
  
"Sorry to interrupt," she stated dryly.   
  
"No, not at all," he said quickly. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"I came here to visit my grandson, whom I rarely see. Is that a crime?"  
  
"Of course not," Carter murmured, suddenly reduced to feeling twelve  
years old again instead of a fourth-year resident. His glance slid to  
Lucy, who looked as though she didn't know whether to flee or come to  
his aid. "Have you met Dr. Knight?"  
  
Millicent Carter turned her piercing gaze towards the younger woman.  
"No, I haven't had the pleasure."  
  
"Gamma, this is Dr. Lucy Knight. Lucy, this is my grandmother, Millicent."  
  
As the two of them exchanged hellos and shook hands, Lucy got the distinct  
feeling that Gamma didn't think too highly of her. And she had no idea  
what she had done to offend the woman.  
  
"Could you excuse us, please. I need to talk to John," Millicent stated.  
  
"Sure. It was nice meeting you, Mrs. Carter," Lucy said meekly,  
quite aware that she had just been dismissed. With a last sympathetic  
look in Carter's direction, she left the two of them alone.  
  
"What's this about?" Carter asked, the wariness evident in his tone.  
His grandmother certainly hadn't dropped by for a simple, friendly visit.  
That wasn't her style.  
  
Not one to mince words, she proceeded to the heart of the matter.  
"Are you coming to the house for Christmas dinner?"  
  
"I might not make it to dinner but I'll drop in after work."  
  
Millicent's mouth flattened into a thin line. "That's just not acceptable."  
  
Carter allowed himself a barely audible sigh, mentally counting to five  
before he spoke. "I'm sorry but there's not much I can do if I'm working.  
And unfortunately, I'm scheduled to work on Christmas."  
  
"You've beeen working here for several years now. Surely there's someone  
else who could fill in for you."  
  
"Perhaps," he conceded. "But that's not the way I do things. I'm not  
going to insist that someone take my place just so I can leave early to  
eat some turkey." His voice was a little harsher than he had intended  
and he softened his tone with his next words. "I promise to come by  
right after my shift."  
  
His promise didn't seem to be any consolation to his grandmother.  
She still managed to look offended. "If you can't make the effort  
for the sake of your parents and grandparents, perhaps you will for Chase.  
When was the last time you saw him?"  
  
That was a low blow and Carter gritted his teeth, feeling a sudden flash  
of anger. "That is totally unfair and you know it. I see Chase as often  
as I can."  
  
Grandmother and grandson faced each other with matching frowns, locked into  
a battle of wills. Neither seemed willing to back down and the silence  
between them grew.  
  
There was a sudden flurry of activity around them as several people  
rushed by. One of them was Chuny. "Two GSWs pulling up, Carter,"  
she called out over her shoulder.  
  
He pushed himself away from the wall he'd been leaning against,  
almost grateful for the excuse to slip away. "I've gotta go.  
We'll talk about this later."   
  
Millicent reached out to grab hold of his arm before he escaped.  
"John." She waited until he reluctantly met her eyes. "I want the  
family to be together for Christmas. That's all."  
  
He was able to read the plea for understanding in her face but was in  
no mood to be magnanimous right now. With a curt nod of his head,  
he pulled out of her grasp and hurried down the hall. Meeting one of  
the gurnies while it was in transit, he immediately took the lead.  
"Give me the bullet," he snapped.  
  
***************  
  
Carter stepped back from the gurney as the patient was prepared to go  
up to the OR.  
  
Matt Foley, the surgical resident, threw an appreciative glance at him  
as he started wheeling the stabilized man away. "Nice save, Carter.  
You didn't even need me."  
  
Carter acknowledged his words with what almost passed as a half-smile  
but more resembled a grimace. Yanking off his gloves and yellow gown,  
he pushed open the swinging trauma room doors with both hands,  
leaving behind a startled group of nurses.   
  
"What's up with him?" Chuny asked, voicing the question that they were  
all asking themselves.   
  
Carter had been like a small tornado during the trauma, barking orders  
and performing every procedure with breathless speed and intensity.  
It had been quite the sight to witness.  
  
Four pairs of eyes turned towards Lucy and she raised her eyebrows,  
her head swivelling back and forth between the expectant looks.  
"What? You think I know something?"  
  
"Well, the two of you do seem to be inseperable these days," Lydia stated  
rather slyly.  
  
"We're friends. Friends!" Lucy repeated for emphasis. From the grins  
on the faces of all the nurses, it was obvious no one believed her.  
"Oh, you are all impossible!"   
  
She left the room in exasperation, wondering where Carter had gone.  
Something was definitely bothering him and she didn't have to be a  
genius to figure out that it had to do with his grandmother.  
  
Wandering down the hall, she came upon the admit desk and approached  
Randi. Before Lucy could even open her mouth, Randi pointed towards  
the ambulance bay, snapping her gum. "He went outside."  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Carter. Isn't that who you're looking for?"  
  
Add psychic powers to the list of Randi's many talents. "Yeah, thanks,"  
Lucy said grudgingly, a little annoyed that everyone seemed to think  
they knew her so well.  
  
She peered through the glass, able to see Carter sitting on the bench.  
Even from a distance, the set of his shoulders and his grim expression  
told her that he was upset. Noticing that he shivered once involantarily,  
she went back to the lounge to retrieve both of their coats before  
heading outside to join him. Although it was fairly mild for December,  
it was still the middle of winter.   
  
As she slipped the warm wool of his coat over his shoulders, he gave  
her a startled glance. "I didn't even see you," he said quietly.  
  
"I know. Want some company?"  
  
"I'm not very good company right now."  
  
"That's okay. Unless you'd rather be alone," she added quickly,  
suddenly feeling a little awkward. She didn't want to intrude.  
  
But he wordlessly shook his head. Taking that as a sign to join him,  
she settled on the edge of the bench. They sat in silence for a while.  
"Want to talk about it?" she asked finally.  
  
Leaning forward, he rested his elbows on his knees. He spoke slowly,  
sounding weary. "It's the same old story. My family is still trying  
to run my life, like they always have."  
  
"What did your grandmother want?"  
  
"She was trying to insist that I make it to the family dinner for  
Christmas. The fact that I'll actually be working is no excuse.  
I don't even want to go because the last time I saw my grandfather  
we got into a huge argument."  
  
"That was at Thanksgiving," Lucy said, recalling the incident. While the  
two of them had eaten their own Thanksgiving feast at Doc Magoo's,  
Carter had told her about the disagreement.   
  
"Yeah. He just can't let go of the idea of me taking over the business.  
He's always been after me about that but it's gotten worse since Chase..."  
His voice trailed off for a moment but then he picked up the thread again,  
an angry edge to his voice. "And that's another thing. Gamma brought  
Chase into the picture, trying to convince me to come for dinner.  
I love her. I really do. But I hate that she's so manipulative."  
  
"I don't blame you," Lucy sympathized. "I guess I've taken it for  
granted that my mom's always been really supportive of me. I wish  
you had that kind of support from your family." It angered her to think  
that the Carters couldn't appreciate this man for what he was; the most  
gentle and generous soul that she'd ever known. She suspected that under  
his outer veneer of anger lay a deeper well of hurt. She wished with all  
her heart that she could simply gather him in her arms and take away  
the pain. Since that wasn't possible, she settled with giving him a hug,  
twisting around on the bench. As he returned the embrace, she murmured,  
"You'll always have me."  
  
At her words, Carter unconsciously tightened his arms around her,  
dipping his head towards her shoulder. "You mean that, Luce?"  
  
"Yes, I do. I..." Lucy suddenly swallowed, surprised by the three words  
that popped into her head. Had she said them out loud?  
  
"You what?"  
  
"N-nothing," she stammered. "I just want you to know that I'm always  
here for you."  
  
Her heart seemed to skip a beat as she pulled back to look at him.  
This was Carter. Her friend. Hadn't she just insisted to Lydia and   
the other nurses that he was just a friend? So why was she getting a  
fluttery feeling in the pit of her stomach now as she looked at him?  
  
Over the past couple of months, her feelings for him had changed and  
she hadn't even realized it.   
  
"You okay?" he asked.  
  
"Uh, yeah." No, she wasn't okay. She was wonderful. *He* was wonderful.  
  
"You're giving me a weird look."  
  
"I'm fine. Let's go back inside." She was starting to get chilled,  
even though she felt an almost inner glow from her new discovery.  
  
"You go ahead. I'll be in soon."  
  
He still looked rather weary and she sensed that he needed some solitude.  
With a gentle hand, she brushed a stray lock of dark hair from his  
forehead. "Don't be long," she said softly.  
  
Preoccupied with her thoughts, she almost walked right by the older,  
distinguished looking woman as she stepped back into the ER.  
  
"He's quite upset with me, isn't he."  
  
A little startled to find herself facing Mrs. Carter again, Lucy quickly  
composed herself. "You could say that," she responded coolly, wondering  
how long Mrs. Carter had been watching them through the doors.  
  
"I was going to try to talk to him again but you beat me to it. The two  
of you seem to be very close."  
  
"We're good friends."  
  
"More than friends?"  
  
Lucy felt a flush creeping up on her cheeks. "That's none of your business."  
  
"Actually, my dear, it is my business. Especially since John has told  
me all about you."  
  
"He has?" She wasn't able to hide her surprise.  
  
"Well, he hasn't exactly mentioned your name, but I do believe I've  
managed to figure it out. He's quite taken with you."  
  
The conversation seemed to have taken a surreal turn and Lucy simply   
stood there, wondering what else Mrs. Carter could have to say to her.  
She didn't have to wait long.  
  
"You probably know that I've been trying to convince John to be  
present at our Christmas dinner. It's a traditional get-together for  
the Carters and he really should be there. Since you've become so  
close to him, I was hoping you would be able to convince him to come."  
  
Lucy didn't know whether to be annoyed or flattered that Mrs. Carter  
would come to her for this request. "I know that Carter...John,  
has already told you that he'll stop by after work. He might miss  
out on dinner but you will see him. Isn't that enough?"  
  
Millicent seemed to hesitate, as if she wasn't sure how much information  
she wanted to reveal. It took her a few moments to respond. "It isn't  
often that everyone in our family is able to get together like this.  
Usually everyone is scattered to the winds. Even different parts of  
the world. Take Thanksgiving last month, for instance. Only myself,  
my husband and two of our grandchildren were present. John did stop  
by for a short while but then he had to run off again. Usually it's the  
same occurence at Christmas. But this year by some miracle,  
everyone will be able to come except John, it seems."  
  
One had to search hard enough but Lucy could see the underlying caring  
in Mrs. Carter's formidable armour. She truly did love her grandson.  
  
"What time are you planning to have dinner?" Lucy asked.  
  
"Eight o'clock."  
  
"Could you postpone it for a couple of hours?"  
  
Millicent blinked, nodding her head slowly. "Yes, I suppose I could."  
  
"I know it would make for a pretty late dinner but John could probably  
leave around ten o'clock." Lucy paused, debating whether or not  
she should speak her mind. Since witnessing Mrs. Carter's obviously  
human side, she suddenly didn't seem so intimidating. "I only wish  
you had spoken directly to John about this, instead of coming to me.  
I don't like to be manipulated. And neither does he."  
  
Her eyes narrowing, Millicent visibly bristled. She stared at the  
young woman for several long seconds before breaking the gaze.  
"Well, I appreciate your honesty," she said crisply, adjusting her  
hat and tucking in a few stray strands. "You can tell John that I  
will call him later to discuss this." She turned to walk away but  
threw a final glance over her shoulder. "Oh, and I will be expecting  
you to join us, Dr. Knight. Consider this an official invitation."  
  
Lucy stared after her retreating back, not quite sure of what had  
just happened. Considering she had just insulted the Carter family  
matriarch, how had she managed to get herself invited to dinner?  
  
***************  
  
"Oh, damnit!" Lucy cursed, feeling the zipper catch on the edge of  
the material. Her arm aching from the awkward position of bending it  
around her back, she tugged on the zipper, trying to free it.   
It was hopelessly stuck.  
  
She was going to make them late and she got the feeling that the  
Carters didn't appreciate tardiness. Why did this have to happen now?  
  
The sharp rap on the door made her groan. Great, he was ready to go.  
In her rush to get to the door, she stubbed her toe on the leg of  
the coffee table. "Ow! Damnit!" She threw open the door,  
momentarily distracted by how handsome he looked in his dinner jacket.  
The sight of him almost made her forget she was in pain. Almost.  
"I'm not going," she announced, standing on one foot and rubbing her toe.  
  
"Hello to you too." Carter smiled, his eyes widening in appreciation  
as he regarded her lithe form in the sleveless dress. "Having some trouble?"  
  
"You could say that. The zipper is caught."  
  
Closing the door behind him as he entered the apartment, he gestured  
for her to turn around. "Let me help."  
  
With a small sigh, Lucy turned her back towards him. It only took a  
moment for him to have the zipper gliding smoothly upwards.   
He lightly rested his hands on her shoulders, bending his head down  
to her ear. "You look beautiful," he murmured.  
  
"Thank you." She felt a tingle shoot up her spine as his warm breath  
tickled her ear. "But I'm still not going."  
  
"You don't want to disappoint my grandmother, do you?" he asked teasingly.  
His hands fell back to his sides as she moved away. He could see that  
she was a bundle of nerves, unable to remain still for very long.  
  
"I keep telling you it wasn't a serious invitation. She kept stressing  
that this is a family dinner. Why would she invite me?"  
  
"And I keep telling you it's because she likes you. Believe me,   
Gamma isn't one to joke around. She invited you because she wants you  
to come. She told me about how you stood up to her. She liked that."  
  
"Really?"  
  
He chuckled softly at her unsure but hopeful tone. "Really. Don't worry,  
I'll protect you. I won't let anyone bite you."  
  
"Very funny." Lucy willed herself to calm down. With her stomach tied  
up in knots, she was afraid she wouldn't be able to eat a bite.   
Either that or she'd throw up right at the table. She had been trying  
to memorize the names of the relatives she'd be meeting tonight  
but it was impossible. She got as far as his immediate family,  
namely his sister Barbara and his parents Roland and Julia. Then there  
were his grandparents, John and Millicent. She was also able to remember  
two cousins, Chase and Steven. But that was as far as she could get.  
The other names Carter had rattled off earlier were a blur.  
  
Carter stepped closer to her, ducking his head down almost to her level.  
"Relax, Luce. Everyone will love you." He dropped a light kiss on her  
forehead, thinking back to the last time their lips had met. They had  
never talked about the impulsive kiss she had given him on Thanksgiving.  
But he found himself thinking about it now. "Close your eyes."  
  
She gave him a suspicious sidelong glance. "Why?"  
  
"Just do it. Please."  
  
Giving him one last questioning look, she dutifully closed her eyes.  
He pulled out a long, slim, velvet case from his inside jacket pocket  
and placed it into one of her hands.  
  
"Okay, you can open them." He waited until she opened her eyes and  
looked down at what she held. "Merry Christmas."  
  
"But we already exchanged gifts this morning," she protested,   
looking rather dismayed. Before heading to work, she'd gone across  
the hall to his apartment for an early breakfast and an informal exchange  
of presents. He'd gotten her a replacement pair of slippers for her  
tattered pink ones; bunny slippers, to be more exact. Millie had  
pounced on them ferociously the minute she'd unwrapped them.  
Along with the slippers, he'd given her a CD that she'd been wanting.  
  
She'd had a tough time deciding what to get him and of course, had left  
it until the last minute. Finally, she'd settled on suspenders and an  
elegant black scarf. She'd been pleased to see him wearing his new scarf  
when she'd opened the door earlier.  
  
Now she found herself shaking her head as she regarded the velvet box.  
"What have you done, John?" she asked softly. Funny how she thought of  
him as John now. She wasn't exactly sure when that had happened, but it  
might have been during the conversation with Mrs. Carter at County.  
His grandmother had kept referring to him as John and somehow,  
it had stuck.   
  
She held out the gift towards him. "I can't accept this."  
  
His face fell with disappointment. "Why not?"  
  
"It's far too expensive. I don't even have to open it to know that."  
Although a part of her was longing to take the gift, it didn't seem right.  
But she could see from his face that she was hurting his feelings.  
  
"I bought it for you. Please take it."  
  
"But it's...it's too much." She could feel her resolve weakening.  
  
"It's not too much for the woman I love."  
  
Lucy swallowed, her mouth suddenly seeming too dry. Her lips parted  
but no sound emerged. She simply gaped at him as he rushed on.  
  
"I know you don't feel the same way about me but that's okay. Maybe I  
shouldn't have said anything. I don't want to ruin the friendship  
between us. But I've felt this way for a long time now and I just  
had to say it. I hope I haven't spoiled things for us. If you want  
to just stay..." His words tumbled out in a nervous flow until he  
felt two of her fingers on his lips. He trailed off into silence,  
looking down at her uncertainly.  
  
"You can stop," she said, her words hushed as she felt her eyes welling  
with tears. "I love you too."  
  
Her declaration made his heartbeat quicken with surprise and joy.  
"You do?" He could hardly believe it.  
  
She nodded, trying to gather her scattered thoughts. "I think I've  
always loved you. Maybe I just didn't know it. But I know it now."  
Standing on tip toe, she wrapped her arms around him and laid her  
head against his chest. "I love you, John."  
  
As he held her tightly in his arms, he felt a calm sense of peace  
surround him, as if he'd come home. He'd finally found what he'd  
been searching for all these years. And now that he'd found her,  
he vowed never to let her go.  
  
One of his hands reached upwards to cradle her head. As she pulled back  
slightly to look up at him, he lowered his head, his eyes traveling  
from her tearful gaze to her mouth. Their lips met tentatively  
at first; soft, feathery light kisses. But that wasn't nearly enough  
and soon the kisses deepened, their mouths seeking each other's  
hotly and hungrily.  
  
Finally becoming out of breath, they reluctantly parted for air.   
They stared at each other, both rather taken aback by the quick passion  
that had ignited between them. "Wow," Lucy murmured. She could see a  
reflection of the same desire in his eyes and suddenly wished they didn't  
have to go out for dinner.   
  
The forgotten gift slipped from her fingers and fell to the floor.  
Wordlessly, Carter stooped to retrieve it. He opened the lid and   
presented it to her with both hands.  
  
She gasped with delight when she saw it. "It's beautiful."  
  
"Shall I put it on?"  
  
She nodded, turning around. He placed the necklace around her throat,  
his fingers a little clumsy with the clasp. She stepped in front of  
the small mirror by the door, admiring the sparkle of the necklace.  
It was a simple piece of jewellery; a single diamond suspended on a  
delicate platinum chain. The simplicity of it complemented her classic  
black dress.  
  
Although it was obvious by her expression, he had to ask the question  
anyway. "So you like it then?"  
  
"I love it! Thank you." Whirling around, she flung her arms around  
him again.  
  
He started to laugh softly, enjoying her reaction. He soon stopped  
in mid-breath, however, as she pressed her lips against his again. Before he  
could get any more involved in the kiss, he forced himself to break away.  
"If we don't stop here, we're never going to leave," he said, his voice low.  
"Not that I would mind..."  
  
She sighed. "But I suppose your family might have something to say  
about that. Okay, I just need a couple more minutes to get ready."  
  
Two minutes stretched into fifteen before they headed outside towards  
his car. Both were surprised to find a light dusting of snow on the ground.  
  
"Well, looks like it's technically a white Christmas after all," he remarked.  
  
They stopped for a moment to look up at the star filled sky. Without a  
breath of wind in the air, the snowflakes drifted down lazily around them.  
It was a picture-perfect night.  
  
Lucy sought the warmth of Carter's hand. As his fingers closed around hers,  
they continued to walk, their footprints side by side in the newly fallen snow.  
  
THE END 


End file.
